Reflection....my death

Reflection...my Death

One day should I passed away...
Those who hates me will be happy.
Those who loves me will cry buckets of tears.
On 2nd day they buried me 6 feet deep in the earth.
Those who hates me will smile at my grave.
Those who loves me could not bare to look back at it.
One year later, my corpse has rot.
My grave was weather beaten by rain and shine.
Those who hates me were still angry when they talked about me.
Those who loves me cried silently into the deep night.
Ten years later there was barely any remains but pieces of bones.
Those who hates me vaguely remember my name but hardly how I looked like.
Those who loves me will go deep into thoughts when they think of me.
Life slowly made things fade into the background.
After many years my grave turned into wilderness.
Those who hates me have forgotten my existence.
Those who loves me have gradually entered the graves too.
To this world, my existence became emptiness.
I worked so hard all my life and yet not able to bring anything with me.
I am so concerned with name and fame and yet who remember me now?
In this life whether rich or poor, weak or powerful...there is nothing we can take away.
When I looked back at my life, I realised I have lived in vain.
I wanted to cry but there is no sound.
I wanted to repent for all the wrongs I have done but it is already too late.
I should have use all my might to live a life not based on what others think of me.
Love and Hate are only self esteemed.
No matter how I have lived, it is nothing but a split seconds. A hundred years later, I am nothing but a mount of earth......I came from nowhere and I returned to nowhere.

“Buddha said
When you see through a person, you need not expose him”
By doing so you learnt the lesson of Forgiving
When you Dislike a person and keep your Cool
You will earn respect
In Living, there will be people you cannot agree with or people you dislike
Being Mature does not mean you have lived longer than others
Or you have taken more path or you have more failures
It is about LETTING GO
When you realized and let go, you are letting go Defilements
The Pain and Suffering of everyone
Will not be erased over time
It is whether one wants to share the sufferings
Some deep inner scars are hidden not because one don't care about it
It is silently facing the pain and pacifying oneself to understand the Truth
Coming to this age
It is not whom you are comfortable with or uncomfortable with
Even with Friends, so when one is tired just 'hibernate' and keep away
You will pass the age of Dislike and Like
It is easier to make oneself Happy than making others Satisfied
There is a saying…
I rather be Lonely than do things that is against my Principle
People who comes into my heart, I will keep them as Treasure
People who keep away, I will not beg -
when Affinity is low although my Love is deep
So when one is sad, there is not need to lament to others
They will not understand nor feel your pain
So look up at the Sky above
It is so spacious and endless and it embraces the whole YOU
So if one is sad…no need to lament to others
Because there are Pain which only you will know and feel
So if one is sad… no need to pretend that you are happy
Giving other happiness doesn’t mean you need to forget your own pain
So who have not suffered Pain, and
Who remembers?
Things passed is gone and will not return
If you really want to pretend, than be the one who is HAPPY
We walk this Path of Sufferings
and must learn to endure the Pain

May we All achieved inner peace

Ohm Mani Padme Hung

Modesty....

WoW! I really take my hat off these women. I suppose the World advanced to such a state that people think they do not need to dress appropriately in public.

Look at these pictures, they are so skimpily dressed. I will not even wear this at home, and ever such in public. What is there to show? You have figure? You are young? You have a bigger breast? Or the bra is too tight to keep it in place?

I bet you these are not Singaporean. If they are than they are "one screw loose". They are oblivious to people around them. They do not know how to respect others and I am embarrassed. You can say that I care more about the values that will be imparted to young people. Such views if wrongly imparted will turn the young into a shameless society if they think that dressing such is OK. I am not a prude!!! I think as a woman we must know how to respect ourselves. There are plenty of clothes around. If you can afford buy branded, if you can't buy simple. It is not the $$$ in the clothes you wear but the way you wear it.

I believe in dressing appropriately at appropriate places. Gym attire should be wore in the Gym, pajamas are for bedrooms, lingerie are internal and can be wore in the bed rooms as well. Nowadays, the swim wears are the skimpiest ever. Who created Fashion and Trend? They throw modesty out of the windows.

Some of the singers are thinking they can attract crowds by doing so. Of course people love to watch their MTVs. They dress as little as they can, come up with all kind of make-up or no make-up like a dead has arise. They dance and grit on the stage and dirty dance with themselves and male dancers. They have all the cheap thrills by rubbing against each other and of course their so call Fans are having cheap thrills as well. They lead a Culture and these people have NO social responsibilities.

GOSH! the World is going backwards. There will come a day we walk around like early man - DRESS LESS!! It is already happening. I really believe that what goes up must come down and what happened than will come back as a fashion now. It is the Law of Gravity.

So WOMEN, if you chose to dress like this, you are inviting to be abused. If your modesty are being abused, you ASK FOR IT. If you are sexually abused, I supposed your dressing said you enjoy it and that is why the animals are at you. If you are killed in the process....I am so sorry. I am a Buddhist and I should have compassion. Writing here as a warning is compassion because Buddhist believe that what you Sow is what you will REAP.

To the people creating FASHION, they only need to make themselves known and of course make money. To those who are blind, they follow without thinking. People think the lesser cloth on the body mean they are SEXY. It is not a good word, not complimentary like ''you got brain". SEXY means arousing or tending to arouse sexual desire or interest!!!

Clothes are created to make the body looked beautiful. Different type of clothes are for different functions and places. There are of course people who think clothes limit their movements.

As a woman, I feel shamed that another woman do not know how to respect herself which also reflected badly on other women too.

There are so many rape cases, rape and killed cases, men who molest and outraged women's modesty and all imaginable and unimaginable happened. It is these under-dressed people, social media and all the bloody/ sex movies implanted all the wrong concepts, thoughts and ideas.

Of course you can say it is your choice.

Kindness

Actually if you really look around, you will find people performing kindness in every directions. It is not racist nor is it a religion. KINDNESS is the word that makes the dark day bright; the sad, happy; the helpless sees hope; the angry soften and it makes the world goes round.

I especially like this story. It is so innocently simple and warm. It is so easy to find beauty in the eyes of a Child. Being adults, our judgement is always so clouded and complicated. I hope the sharing of this piece of story brings out the warm in you and do your Kindness without reservations.

A little boy wanted to meet Kindness. He knew it was a long trip to find Kindness so he packed his bag with potato chips and six-pack of root beer and started his journey. When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old man. He was sitting in the park, just staring at some pigeons. The boy sat down next to him and opened his bag. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the old man looked hungry, so he offered him some chips and the old man gratefully accepted it and smiled at him.

His smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer. Again, he smiled at him. The boy was delighted! They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word. As twilight approached, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave; but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the old man, and gave him a hug. The old man gave him his biggest smile ever...

When the boy opened the door to his own house later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy.

He replied, "I had lunch with Kindness." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? He's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"

Meanwhile, the old man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his father's face and he asked, "Dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?"

He replied "I ate potato chips in the park with Kindness." However, before his son responded, he added, "You know, he's much younger than I expected."

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime! Embrace all equally!

Have lunch with Kindness......bring chips, or a few cans of root beer with you !

Silence....

Silence...doesn't mean quietness
Silence...is only outlook
Silence...all the noisy inside
Inside the Head and
Inside the Heart

Silence... all assumptions
Silence... all imaginations
Silence... all voices
Silence...Silence...Silence

If I am able to walk out of these noises
I will realized
that Silence is not loneliness
Silence than will allow me
Solitude

There are so many Rules
and Regulations
To Do and Not-To-Do
Right and Wrong
Who sets the Rules?

Can I be myself
Must I measured up to others expectations?
Do I need to be congenial
Can I not be myself?

When I sit down quietly
My Mind will come up with its scripts
It is like writing a novel
All characters are but fake
All stories are but made up
It is actually empty

Silent the Mind
Silent the Heart !!

EMPTINESS....

Every morning for the last four months, I have been using the Service Lift from the Car Park to my office. I have the habit of looking around me so I surveyed the lift. I realized the management have sealed the lift wall with plywood and the door with white stickers. There is a mic speaker just in case we are caught in emergency and need to talk to someone but other than that, a Lift is a Lift.

As days passed by and with people moving in, the plywood protection got knocked with cracks and scratches. What more when you have workers and movers and of course you see the standard comments of all the vulgarties scribbled on the walls, with drawings and telephone numbers etc. It has something to do with mentality and it is cheap thrills.

One day I saw the white stickers covering the door was stripped off, leaving an aluminium front. While waiting for the lift to stop at my floor, I naturally looked at the lift door in front of me. Suddendly it occured to me that I am not able to see myself even though I was in front of it. I tried waving my hands and could only see slight movements. What happened to my body mass, am I not here?

SO, this was it. I am ''here and yet I am not here''. If there is no reflection of me, does that mean that I am non-existence? Probably this is what the teachings are all about. The ''mass'' you is actually not ''you''. You are neither that ''mass'' nor what you believe yourself to be. So which part of the ''mass'' is you?

I do not say I have any realization but it occured to me that "Emptiness is Form" and "Form is Emptiness". Meaning Emptiness does not mean there is nothing. It comes from nothing and goes back to nothing. Chim, right?

My Song....

Because of my Karma

I came to Samsara

However this Samsara

is also the Pureland of Buddha Sakyamuni

Why are we chasing Enlightenment

Why do we look at the Sky

and try to reach for the star

When it is here with us

We are always looking outside

Outside is so colorful and exciting

There are so many attractions

Or are they distractions

Looking inside...what is there to look?

First and foremost

Where is inside?

My organs? No, my Thoughts

am I aware of them?

Life after Life

I merry-go-round the Realms

I am not always

in precious human form

Even if I am

I must have wasted it away

Yes, that is why I am still here

Hopefully all the accumulations of merits

past, present and future

will not go to waste

At least I won't think that

the precious human rebirth

is always mine to have

I pray to all the Buddha,

all the Gurus

I rejoiced at all the unsurpassed merits

of the Enlightened Ones

May all my effort and energy

I directed at the works for Sentient Beings

Wishing they are well

Wishing they will reach ultimate happiness

and no one left to suffer in Samsara

THE END of the World 2012

Have not been back to the blog because of a broken hand. However I thank all those who continue to visit here and support my blog.

2012...the prediction that we all will disappear OR is it only the calender of the Mayan because their wise man only manage to calculate until 2012. Being a Buddhist...I believe in Cause and Effect. Surely there will be an end of the World as Buddha spoke about Impermanence. BUT do not worry because it won't be 2012 or maybe our life time. However one thing everyone of us can be sure...more and more calamities will happen all over the world. These calamities are our making. We are the cause. We do so much harm to Nature with things we call 'modernization'. Thou sow and thus reaped...fair and square.

Coming back to Singapore, a place I call HOME. We are lucky and have enough merits to a peaceful living but there are silly things we do...so enjoy this piece written by a wise Foreigner. How people live or behave is a choice but I am sure I won't JUMP Ship. Nothing is like home and when I am a first class citizen WHY do I want to be 2nd class, 3rd class or stateless !!

The Bizarre Behaviour of Singaporeans
Observations made by a German national who has lived in Singapore for 9 years.

44 years of economic and material success have spawned some very strange behaviours among Singaporeans.

They spent so much to buy a house or flat, furnished it up like a palace, but spent their time outside, most of the time at work. And the maids are the ones enjoying the million-dollar or multi-million-dollar assets..

Then they pay so much, the highest in the world, for a car only to park at home. Too expensive to drive, too many ERPs and car park charges to pay. And they are encouraged to park their cars at home and take public transport, being cheaper and more convenient.

And when Singaporeans travel, instead of seeing the places, they went shopping. The best part is that they would head for the cheapest bargains, buying stuff that they could get in Chinatown or pasar malam, at even cheaper prices. But they are still happy that they got a bargain.

And while the heartlanders are busy trying to make a life here, being told to bust off if they are not happy, which they could not, the rich and presumably very happy and contented citizens are buying up properties overseas just in case they need to make that escape from this paradise.

While many Singaporeans are thinking of jumping ship, or preparing to jump ship, hoards of new immigrants are rushing in to take their place in this paradise.

And to top it all up, they keep complaining about the government and all the policies that they found unpalatable, but come every election, they will vote and return the government to power.

Strange Singaporean behaviours !

What to say...??

It has been a long time I last posted. Actually I was wondering what to post. We always have an opinion to everything and anything. We must add our vocal to express our knowledge, our dissatisfaction, our joy, our sadness, our happiness and unhappiness. Really...do we have so much to say?

When I realized what I said was an arising of a cause which a condition ripen for such words, it started the ball rolling. What follows in words is either kindness or harshness and surely come with an effect...good or bad. If it is followed by action I will harvest the fruit.

Dependent Origination arises every second in our thoughts. How to stop this? How aware are we to this little insignificant cause which can roller coaster to bigger issues? NO, most of us are not alert and focus enough to see it arising, let alone curb it as it buds. I do know this and yet I fall prey to all these conditions that give rise to further pleasant and unpleasant experiences. I now prayed for positive actions and not otherwise.

A cause rises out of defilement - it has something to do with ignorance which has craving in it. Because we are not able to stop it, it takes shapes according to our feeling. Therefore ignorance brings craving and follow with love or hatred. The continuous arsing of Dependent Origination, beings are being reborn again and again. Birth is suffering, so is old age, sickness and death.

I am not being pessimistic but I am beginning to really 'see' death. Not others but mine. I wonder what can I bring with me? Can I bring money, power, beauty, authority...I realized NO! One dead man is the same as another dead man - no richness or poor, no commoner or authority. Once we turned into bones or ashes...where are we? Are we the bone or are we the ashes?

There is one thing I am sure we will bring with us - the type of person we are when we are alive. Don't forget this body is on loan to you. You can use this BODY to do good or BAD. You can lie and pretend for all to see how good you are BUT you cannot lie to your consciousness. So when the final day comes...you either die peaceful or fretful. You either die in old age or have life force terminated when you are not ready to go. We all fear death because we know we are not a good person. Even a moderate person who is either good or bad fear death. We feared because we do not know what's on the other side. Well what you are this life is what you have lived in your past life BUT you can prepare for a better life next by living the correct way now.

As I began to understand the Buddha's teaching, I realized the UNIVERSAL TRUTH is something that is there. It is the LAW of the UNIVERSE, no one can change it. Goodness will begets goodness. It is not so difficult to be kind...smiling at another person is also an act of kindness. A kind word will help someone along the way...it does not cost you money to do it.

As I watched the riot in UK, I am sadden by the activities of the youth who took part. What's wrong with the youth today? Why must someone do harm to others and it is not even beneficial to oneself.

Where is the compassion? What type of youth did parents raised? In general youth around the world are behaving the same way. There will be those that defy the law and even end up in jail.

Cry me a river........

Where should I place my COMPASSION...

Recently I am becoming more and more aware of the sufferings beings are facing. With so many calamities around the world, the pain face by human alone is already unspeakable. Although it is believe to be group karma, but one cannot think that way or else we will become inhumane.

In fact, it is difficult for one to feel the pain and suffering of another If one does not see, does not hear, does not feel, does not fear….one will think that the life one leads is similar with all others. This is not true and one’s sufferings are different from another. One’s enjoyment of peace and prosperity is not equal to the person standing next to you. Therefore you should count yourself lucky. Do not wish more or wish less of one self, just be happy with what you are now and what you have now, where you stay now and the safety and environment you are immerse in. We are always complaining that grass is greener on the other side, is that so?

Singapore is a very small island. You hardly see it on the map. Many know who we are but there are many more who do not know us. we are a safe little island and away from the typhoon that wrack havoc around our neighbors. We are away from heavy rainfall that flood a country causing landslides and burying everything as it goes. We experienced tsunami, a very minor one causing minor damages as compared to other neighbors around us, and we have a big heart to always donate as much as we can…after all we are only a small island.

I saw the sufferings and it pains my heart. The 911 bombing in USA, the 512 earthquake in Sizhuan, the flood in Myanmar, the tsunami hitting so many countries around South East Asia and Asia Pacific and now Typhoon Magi killing so many in Philippines, Vietnam, Taiwan – can I ignore these? I cannot because I watched news and the reports and pictures are enough to bring tears to my eyes.

Animals have their fair share of woes. The earth is no longer a safe place for them. Humans need more and more places to put up homes and for agriculture and these animals are force out of their natural habitats. On top of that, they are food for our survival. As if these are not enough, we killed them for their fur. If you see how brutally they are killed for ‘’good to have” items and not “must have” items, you probably will be indifferent about it because it does not involve you. WRONG! It will because once these animals go into extinction, the future generation will not know what they are. There are people who buy all these so called exotic goods…expensive and they pay through their nose for it. Of course, because it caused other people’s life to get the goods on their body as accessories or food.

Now Singapore is facing their yearly HAZE, so bad that buildings around are visually covered in mist. These are burning of lands or plantations in neighboring Indonesia. Again animals are roasted alive, whether on the ground or below the ground with extensive heat, and neighbors are inhaling all these polluted smoke. Talking about being environmental... it is about survival for Indonesia.

I am no kinder because I am not a vegetarian nor a vegan. I am aware and I eat only what I need. There are many food on the table and many ways to cook them, I do not need exotic animals meats. I do not need shark fins, I do not need to eat a fish fried alive, I do not need to eat a fetus with its placenta attached to prove that I am virile, I do not need to eat dog meat to keep me warm, I do not need to eat crocodile head boiled with all kind of herbs to help me perform on bed… I just eat simple food and it is bad enough because there are chicken, pork, mutton and beef. I have stopped all seafood except for fish. I am not preaching that anyone or everyone must be a vegetarian BUT at least do support unnecessary killing.

Recently again it came to my email on the killing of dolphins on an island off Denmark. Friend told me that it is not dolphins, it is whales and again this island is not part of Denmark and neither is it under UN…It actually does not matters to me who and what they are. Will people have no feeling when they see this sea of blood? The people who kill, did they feel it when the animal struggle to live?

A friend said that people who kill chicken and pigs, sheep and cows for our consumptions are just as bad, so I should not discriminate. To be frank, from the bottom of my heart…I have no right to discriminate as I eat these meats too. IT IS COMPASSION…and I am wondering whether I have no right to being COMPASSIONATE because I eat meat? So where should I placed my COMPASSION.

I felt disgusted when I see the sea of blood. If I do not feel …COMPASSION…I have lost the ground to practice Buddhism.

That is why I pray before consuming my food – I thank the animals for being food for me. They have provided me with the energy to survive so that I have wisdom to practice. When I attained my wishes the merits goes to them and may they be liberated from sufferings too. For all those who make it possible for the food to be on my table, I wish them same. For all those who cook and make it consumables, I pray same. May I eat with awareness, with gratitude, with wisdom and fulfilled my ultimate goal to benefit beings.

In the name of the merciful Amitofo….

Thoughts...More

* Who do you think you are? You are nothing but a pile of bone, stinking flesh and a walking graveyard. Why? because you eat carcasses!

* RELIGION...practice correctly brings JOY; practice wrongly becomes a stumbling block...it rolls you to Hell.

* Friends either make you OR break you.

* YOU need things to prep you, the more the better, the branded, the glitters, the money, the women, the people, all the material things…WHY? JUST to prove that you are living and around.

* HUMAN scrubbed and perfumed themselves with the most expensive toiletries. No matter how hard they tried, they will smelled the next second. WHY? It is the dead (food) buried in their bodies and when it went into the blood stream, it cannot contain. It comes out as perspiration urine and shits.

* What can be wild? Human or Animals?

* The joy of seeing a flower blooms brings happiness only when it is shared.

* All worldly possessions only brings conflicts. It breaks a family when they fight over it after you are dead or it started long ago even before you are dead.

* No amount of riches, power and fame brings you to heaven. Heaven is only for the virtuous.

* In history, Kings and Noblemen, normal human beings died under the hands of a WOMAN. The lesson is never learned because people still cannot stop themselves for indulgence in a WOMAN.

* Behind every successful man is a Woman…Behind every downfall man is also a Woman.

* Which is more frightening? A Human or a Ghost?

* Is there a word called IMPARTIAL? In this world, this word do not exist… the word of all time “mutual benefit”.

* Who is more selfless than Buddha and Bodhisattva?

* You are born pure BUT as you grow, you become more and more contaminated.

* Can there be true equal between Woman and Man? It can never be…Woman is made in such a way that she is the one who bear the pain.

* Words are just Words…did you see the wisdom when they said “Called a Rose by any other names and it smells just as sweet”.

* As Human becomes more sophisticated…illness becomes more sophisticate This is call balancing of the Karma.

* Do you believe in Karma…Buddhist do not have the sole proprietorship to this word. Karma is Universal.

* I have seen the Cause and Effect of bad deeds done. Do not think that it is just a God fearing word. It is not. So DO NO EVIL because when the effect comes, it is too late to regret.

* Still I want to say this…”Death is Inevitable”… All merits you have done, both good and bad are your companion until you attain Enlightenment.

* Does the Preacher believe in what is preached? Does the Preacher practice what is preached? Look beyond the surface and you will have the answer.

* We see what we choose to see.

* No amount of Rights can right a Wrong…with only sincere repentance will it be lighten. You do not repent to the person you wronged BUT to yourself for doing such silly thing. Repentance is effective only when you are aware BUT to many, they did not even accept the fact that they have wronged.

* I see, I do, I conquer…MYSELF and not others.

* Take a pen, be honest, write down all your negative characters and your positive characters and see whether it balance.

* When you look at a problem, you should take a helicopter’s view…not a one sided view.

* When you are face with a problem, solve it and not put the blame on others. Remember, when you point a finger at another, four fingers are pointing at yourself.

* Compassion arises only when there is a target…actually one should maintain a compassionate heart all the time and to all beings.

* Do you feel offended when someone ignore you? Why? Because your EGO is hurt. Self worth is not based on what others perceived of you. EGO is nothing but a pile of bones.

* In this mundane world, everything is a test subject…we all have a worst part of our self that we need to right.

...more Thoughts from myself for myself and those that are interested to ponder.

Class...what???

I read in the papers that a China reporter commented about the uniform of our Singapore Airline Air Stewardess. He said that our girls are wearing slippers with Kebaya and it is not classy enough. He went further to mention that the Airline Stewardess in China have uniforms that are far more classy!

Chey!...this reporter just shoot his mouth off. He has got nothing better to write or he ran out of ideas. Did he do a research of our background? Does he knows that Kebaya is worn with slippers or beaded slippers?

What is class or being classy? I think and many of us do...that our Singapore Girls' uniforms are both classy and representative of Singapore. You just have to look at the uniform in any country and anywhere and immediately it echoed in your mind "Singapore Airline". The uniforms are batik prints and are unique in design. The colors are vibrant too and slippers are matching. So what rubbish is he talking about class? Is he a fashion critic or what and what does he knows about fashion and identity...or does he has one???

I saw many airlines around the world and they all wear skirt, blouse, scraf...and that is their country dress code? If it is a National Airline, they should wear something that is of the country. Korean will look beautiful in their national outfit but it is clumsy. Japanese kimono are beautiful but their stewardess are wearing nothing but the skirt/ blouses thingy. Thai airlines stewardess is wearing their national outfits and that is what I call CLASS. So what class China air stewardess had? They don't wear cheong sam, they are wearing 'Kuai Low' fashions complete with high heels...where is the identity? It is copied fashion. Is this what you call class? Such class are but only skin deep! (Look at the China air stewardess in the picture, you called that Class? Which country does their uniform resamble...British Airline? or France Airline?)

Anyway kabaya with slippers are both practical and healthy. Imagine our girls got to walk about in heals in the turbulent sky. How many hours do they need to stand and serve all kinds of funny characters on board. What is going to happen to their legs...when they aged? Does that reporter knows? He should wear heels and stand and walk around in the aircraft and than he can shoot his mouth commenting about others without brain. It is so easy just to talk and talk and think that one is smart.

Anyway we Singaporean are 'stubborn' enough and we will not change such a beautiful representative uniform to trade in for CLASS. What if got CLASS and got no character?

I love our Singapore Girls' uniforms. They are a CLASS of its own and they represent the little island SINGAPORE!

Quiet your Thoughts....

Recently I was watching my mind. I am amazed that although I am alone, my Mind actually is having conversation by itself. NO, I am not mad!

At time people pass remarks about friends who are quiet and do not talk much. These people are viewed as introverts. Are these people really quiet? You will be surprised if you can see their minds. Although they are quiet but many thoughts go through their ‘Heads’ and at such speed that you lost track. There is no sequence of thoughts and they jump around like monkey. For example you are driving and suddenly you asked yourself “Did I lock my home door?”, the next thing you will think “Oh! I have an appointment this evening, nearly forget about it”, and followed by “ I need to make a phone call to Mum”….it goes on and never ending and the most amazing…the Thoughts have no link to each other at all.

Look at it this way, you are alone with no one around you, who are you having a conversation with? You will say “ they are just my Thoughts”…which is true. BUT why are we so messy up there? Do you know your Mind is like your monitor Your monitor is a blank screen if you do not write on it…but if you do, all these are your Thoughts, right? Whether you write a business letter, send an email to a friend, talk on messenger – you can only do so when your Thoughts are formulated, and your Mind is the platform for it to manifest.

Thoughts, can be both good and bad. Good and Bad is a very fine line…and you cross over when provoke or you stay happy if it is pleasant to your senses. Therefore your Mind is a place where all your Thoughts take shapes. Movie Directors, where do they get ideas? Writers/ Authors, where do they get such interesting stories to tell that they become movies? People who lie, where are all these lies formulated…they give Thoughts as to how to lie so that it is convincing.

We give in to our thoughts most of the time. We do not control it and let it run loose. That is why people say “You one screw loose, iszit?” – meaning you have crazy Thoughts. People who are depressed hear voices in their heads, people who are stressed talk to themselves knowingly or unknowingly, lunatics has all kind of imaginations which are Thoughts and they get violent when the Thoughts get violent.

Do you know that you can use your Thoughts to manifest things that you want? People are writing books on positive thinking and make tons of monies, all the self-improvement books, self-motivation books – what are they telling you – they are actually telling you how to work your Thoughts to get what you wanted.

We get so complicated because we let our Thoughts run loose. When we are happy, when we are sad, when we are ditched, when we strike a lottery, when we see something we want – the Thought is never satisfied and in its vocabulary, there is no ‘STOP’! Thoughts also fueled all your EMOTIONS. When you see two person whispering to each other, the next minute you think “They are talking about Me”. Therefore do not let your Thoughts run WILD. So how to curb it?

MEDITATION…is the method but not without hard work. When you sit down, close your eyes and say you are meditating…are you? You start by staying FOCUS, very soon your Thoughts will run. You try to focus on your breathing, your Thoughts run…and worst, you run after it. What do I mean? Meaning your Thought say “I am free this evening”. It could have stopped there…but…you run after it by continuing …”I can invite Lian out for dinner and maybe catch a movie”…and…on…and…on…OH! Aren’t you suppose to focus and meditate? You see what I mean?

Quiet your Thoughts doesn’t mean you stop thinking or you don’t think. I don’t think anyone can stop the Thoughts. We have been gathering rubbish by the five senses and once captured is stored in an unlimited storage space and you cannot erase them. Believe me, all the unpleasant thoughts will pop up when you least expected it. However all the information, whether operating or information will pop up when you need it. Did you ever wonder why you know how to do certain thing, recite certain mantra and some you just have to do it a few times and you can rattle off without looking at the book?

Therefore the only method is to watch it, don’t follow…just watch. It will start with plenty of Thoughts flowing in and out your Head. When you acknowledge it and not follow, it will die down, it will get lesser. These Thoughts are SHY and when they know YOU are watching them, they become ‘tamed’.

I tried once by not allowing any thoughts into my Head and you know what happened? I cannot remember anything. It is frightening! I need to remember how to drive a car, I have to remember what I did just…and without THOUGHTS, one is like a zombie! SO, you need to have thoughts flows but DO NOT FOLLOW. Things happened because it needs two hands to clap, SO watch and know BUT don’t clap.

Remember Thoughts are past experiences. It has no foundation and it is History. We always let our Thoughts make things seems like it is real, it is not. When I say this WORLD is woven by our Thoughts, I am sure it is true...what say you?

Feedjit Post Ranking...

Retreat @ Lucky Valley

Never in any retreat did I cry and cried so much. This retreat I took was a cleansing process for me. I did not know what program was planned and what I need to do until I arrived at destination.

I heard Shangpa Rinpoche sang this song as gratitude and tribute to all mothers. He probably did this for his own Mum. However the CD did not bring out much feeling in me until I sang it, read the text and understand the meaning.

From the Pagoda, we started too sing this prayer. Many started to tear. We were so immersed into the singing until we probably moved the Devas. We felt sprinkle of water. Initially it was a little here and there but subsequently it was like sprinkling from an outlet. We felt heavy sprinkling and yet we were not wet. These were blessing water from the Devas. No, it was not rain drops. If it was we will be wet and have droplets on our face and hands but there was none.

Because we brought the rain therefore we did not go back to the Pagoda for prayers. We have to move into the Pyramid. This pyramid structure is very unique and the energy field is very strong. When I started to meditate and pray, I am able to focus and concentrate. The singing of the text here was perfect. All our voices unified as one. The feeling was awesome and wonderful. I believed we all felt it and so did Shangpa Rinpoche.

The energy fields and magnetic fields around the Pagoda and Pyramid was magnificent. This setting is with nature and therefore it is healing as well. We have been walking up and down and never felt tired. I took some shots of the place and one picture turned out that molecules were seen. Again these molecules are different from that of what we saw in spiritual places. Spiritual molecules has no colors in it and mostly we can fadely see Dharma Wheel. However these magnetic molecules do not have Dharma Wheel but are specks of colors if I magnified it. Again there is no superstition and neither am I talking about some high and mighty attainment. These are common and many people have pictures of such.

Back to the prayers. It took us back to giving gratitude to our mothers, remember our mothers and reflecting on our self. As I was a given away child, I do not have much caring for the mother that conceived me. She was distant and I knew her as 'Aunty'. However by reciting this prayer, all the more I appreciate my natural mother. I thank her for giving me life, thus giving me chance to practice the Dharma. I thank her for giving me away to parents who love me and I grew up with parents who did not stop me from practicing Dharma and instead following me to do so.

I have never been a mother and I do not know the pain, danger and joy in conceiving a 'life'. After that, the guiding, looking after, worrying, naturing, feeding and many things that a Mum worried about her child which I have not experienced. Now by reciting this prayer, I see clearly that the becoming of ME actually are the fruits of both Mums and what they have done for me. Even if I carry them on my shoulder and run around the Universe a million times, I am not able to pay back my gratitude to them.

Thus I thank Shangpa Rinpoche for guiding us and showing us this prayer. I thank him for teaching us how to sing this prayer. It was a tune created by Rinpoche so we have to sing it a few times before we got the rhythms.

Thank you to the third Karmapa for this wonderful, meaningful and well wishes text to our mothers. It reminds us to go back to think of our 'being' and the process of our coming and growth to what we will be. Many people choose their Path of Life, and I have chosen Buddhism as my guiding Light.

Ohm Mani Padme Hum ...

Wise sharing...Happiness

Happiness is within oneself. Seeking it outside is like a fish in water. It is there and yet you do not see.

Happiness bought with money is only temporary.

Some time we do not feel happy but still we can give happiness to others.

How can you be happy when you keep thinking you are unhappy?

Simple thing makes simple people happy.

Happiness is not money but without money you can be unhappy.

If you built your happiness on others sorrows, how long can your happiness last?

We always say we want to be happy but when we are blessed with happiness, we do not know how to keep it.

You think happiness is fame and fortune but when you have fame and fortune, you will still feel unhappy because you want more.

Some think that Happiness is Love...it is not.

Happiness cannot be given, you owned it and you decide whether you want to let it surfaced.

Fools go around begging people to give them happiness. How can someone give you something that is inside you?

To me...

Happiness is sleep to 10am in the morning and not to worry about getting up to go to work.
Happiness is to curl up on a sofa with a cup of coffee and reading a book.
Happiness is humming a tune while trimming my plants.
Happiness is meeting friends and enjoying a meal together.
Happiness is being with myself.

I was at Pattaya in Thailand. After arriving it was 5pm in the evening. I took a stroll along the beach and realized that there was no one else there but me alone. I sat down and look out at the sea. I thought I saw a few sailboats racing around but they were no where to be seen. When I focus on the serenity around me and the peaceful sea, suddenly I was hit with a weird feeling. It was very deep, a little frightening but slowly this feeling turned into bliss. I realized that I just experienced SOLITUDE. I had the beach and the whole wide sea in front of me to myself. I am alone and yet I am not lonely. I was smiling and I am not aware of it. Friends said I have happiness written all over my face. They were curious what happened. I realized I can only show them happiness expressed on my face but I am not able to explain. Will they know when I tell them about SOLITUDE and BLISS? SOLITUDE is a very powerful feeling and BLISS starts from deep inside you. You have to experience it to know. So with these two feelings, HAPPINESS surfaced. Such feelings lasted for a long , long...time.

So HAPPINESS comes when you least expected it to.

Aspirations...

For many years
I have fulfilled my duty
as a daughter
Seldom did I give thoughts
to myself

Living, Duty, Responsibilities
actions, words, feelings
cravings, workings
interacting are so robotics
I know

In this dreamlike world
I have committed enough karma
I have wished myself dead
at the point I think I am
most pure in body, speech and mind

But I did not and I remain
in Samsara
My body, speech and mind
turned like the cart wheel
I know but I cannot control

It is my lacking in understanding
What am I searching for
What is that that I wanted
for myself when
Life ending?

Now is the time
When I am more aware
aware of my thoughts
my speech and my feelings
Ohm Benza Sato Hum

All said is not said
All felt is not real
All perceived are but
the play of the Mind
Watch it like a movie

Now I wanted
to increase my Bodhicitta
to fulfill my aspirations
like that of the
King of Aspirations - Samantabadra!

I have never been more
Peaceful
May I see sufferings around me
like my Own and
strives for liberation
for myself and others....

Ohm Ah Hum Guru Padma Siddhi Hum! x 3

Me, Myself and Ego

Many of us always look too deeply into ‘ME’ when we meet with unhappy events. We always amplified our unhappiness, despairs and sufferings. That is not wrong because it is all about ‘ME’, ‘MYSELF’ and what is more important than my happiness.

Even being a Buddhist, may have vast knowledge, practices more than others but have more defilement. Why? Because we are proud, why? Because of our EGO.

When something went wrong in my life, I look at the mess. I only saw the mess and ask what’s wrong – what's wrong with others but not me? What have I done to invite such sufferings. This is normal. This is what others said ‘ when you are down, you always look down’.

If we look up, we will see Buddha. We will see his compassionate EYEs, we will see his understanding smile and we feel his Bodhicitta. Most of the time we look at ME and not understanding what invited the course for unhappiness. If there is no smoke, where is the fire?

Buddha is all encompassing. He already saw, he understood and he accepted. With the Truth, he left us the milestones to find our happiness.

It is actually not the problem of Buddhist but many other religions probably are the same. People take the Teachings and twist it to their advantage. Others thought they know the teachings and use it to draw circles for others to stand inside. The best part is that they are the outsider looking in. They forget they need to stand inside and look at themselves too.

I understand long ago that there are many aspects to Buddha’s Teachings. It is not easy for me to understand everything. The obscuration I have probably are my stumbling blocks as well. There are many way to practice and I am not smart enough to be a Jack of All Trade. So I chose one aspect and during that period of time, just do that and it is ‘compassion’. I became active in Hospice.

It was during this period that I realized that there are many teachings which are simple and yet we complicate the process. I suppose we are human. We like to complicate things to show that we are smart and we are above others. Many things we saw with our eyes are not Truth. Some are acted out for our benefits.

We are in a Dream. Because we do not know that we are dreaming, we take it as Truth. We react to all the emotions, good and bad.

All the happenings add colors to our life. It is a training. All of us are different and therefore the aspect of sufferings are different. Some have jealously to work on, some anger, some ignorant, some aggressive and others with many more things to refine. Again it is human to say, ‘This is bad, that is good, she is gentle and he is a shit.’

We try to watch our body, speech and mind. We watch, but of others and not ourselves. Chinese has a proverb “A pig looking into the mirror, what is outside and reflected are both not human”. This mean what you see is what you are.

Recently I am watching ‘Impermance’. How I wanted to deny it BUT can I? Impermanent is a Universal Truth, can it be over rided? Therefore I watch the rising and falling of a condition. I did not want to break the energy of connections. It will break by itself when the conditions are over.

I am also watching myself, my reactions to various happenings. I have been calling myself a Buddhist for many years, conveniently but am I truly one? How much Buddha’s teachings do I know – in truly understanding it? It had nothing to do with others. I do not want to act for others to see that I am a good Buddhist…I am only learning. Never have I been more awake until now.

All the misunderstanding and hurts others hurled at me no longer cut me. When there is a Karma, there is an Effect. If I keep throwing back the Karma, it will be never ending. Let me served the Karma here and let me end it.

May all being be well. I pray that I have all the conditions to understand the true essence of Buddha’s teaching. Many have deviated, I pray they come back to the Path. To those embarking, may good conditions arise for them to understand it correctly. For all the good I am trying to do, may the right conditions and support arise so that it is completed without defilements. May my heart be always Selfless and filled with Bodhicitta.

Exhausted....

Today I am a bit exhausted
I did not sleep well
I was fretful
I turned and toss
My blanket on the floor
My bedsheet wrinkled

Looking at the graying sky
Very soon it will start
Pouring
Wind, can you stop rushing
Clouds, can you too slow down
Droplets...Oh you!

Rushed to keep my clothes
Some already stained with rain drops
Fortunately not all are wet
or I have to wash them all over
Rain...don't come without warning
When Sun is still in the sky

Today I am a bit exhausted
Mentally and Physically
It is the 7th Month's rain
It drained me emotionally
and left me...listless, and
Speechless...

Learned of a friend's death
Not that we are great buddy
But yet it is not a nice feeling
He is young and full of life
Gone and leaving behind
a Mother to mourn the lost

More and More I realized
Life is not for you to say
'I want to live to 80s'
Time and Tide wait for no man
When time is up
You can't step the brake

Life is like a flickering
Candle In the Wind
It depends on how strong you are
Some burnt to the end
Some blew off just when it started
Some left off half way

Today I am a bit exhausted
But not too exhausted to reflect on
the Teachings of my Lord
He is no other than Lord Buddha
Who taught the inevitable -
Birth, Sickness, Aged and Death...

Can’t legislate Love…

Took the title from the newspaper and such apt description.

Really and truly Love cannot be legislated. I posted a Chinese Hokkien song on my Chinese Blog. This song touches my heart because of the lyrics as well as the musical arrangement which sync very well. It speaks about someone who lost his grandmother. He thought about all the things she did for him, the best food were left for him and all the toys that she bought him. He remembered she taught him to do well in his study and be successful so that he is useful to the society. He was young than and did not understand what she meant. As he grew, he began to realize the values and goodness grandmother was teaching him. Today he is successful but she is no longer around to see it and to enjoy his fruits. He missed grandmother and he wished that in his next life he will be her grandchild again, to enjoy her love and to once again call ‘Grandma’!

As we progress, people are getting selfish. We find old folks, bothersome, cumbersome and tacky. We lost patience while talking to them. Aged = sickness = money = responsibility = sacrificing ones freedom = to lots of things we want to do and because of these folks our hands and legs are tied. Imagine a parent taking his child to court because the child did not upkeep his parents.

Being Asian, we emphasized a lot on filial piety. We usually grow up around our parents and siblings. Even if we finished school and started working in the society, we stay with our parents. Some even do so when they are married and even if they live apart, it is within the small island of Singapore.

However there are more and more people abandoning their old parents. These folks are left in the Old Aged Homes or are left wondering around the streets. These unfaithful and unfilial kids felt that if the don’t take care of their parents, the government will – good accounting! Too bad, Karma doesn’t work that way.

Below are some true encounters.

1) A couple lived in a landed property and with maid in the house. In the day, they chased the old man out of the house. This old man wondered around the neighborhood. He ate food and drank drinks or soup left by the public in food centers. Day in and day out he wondered aimlessly. When it rains, he took shelter at bus stops. If you think you can depend on children when you grow old? Think again.

2) Ah Beng goes to work daily. Ah Lian stayed at home and gossips on the phone with friends. In her free time she gambled with neighbors. Her children are rowdy and one skipped school and got pregnant. They are endlessly bickering at home. However they have a Grandmother living with them. She was frail, not from aged but from malnutrition because most of the time Ah Lian forgot to feed her. Grandmother fainted at home. She died of hunger while Ah Beng, Ah Lian and children was having a sumptuous meal in the neighborhood shopping mall.

3) Uncle Y, a businessman. As he aged, his eyesight failed him. The son that he lived with is a professional. Both the son and the daughter-in-law find the old man embarrassing. They chased him out of the house. Uncle Y has given all his savings to the son. To Chinese people, the eldest son is looked upon as the one who carries the ‘Surname’ so he is much loved and pampered by the whole family. Relatives complained that the couple was ill-treating their old father and to save face, they let him stayed at an HDB flat that belonged to a brother who just passed away. The couple arranged this so that Uncle Y stayed far away from where they lived. Daily, Uncle Y had to take a bus to the couple home to have his meals and returned home at night. Because of his failing eyesight and aged, he fell from the bus. He died at the hospital.

4) Uncle L, down with 4th stage cancer, lived in a Home. He had two sons, both are professionals and are successful in the society. They hardly dropped by to see Uncle L, so do their wives. When they were informed that Uncle L was critical, they were busy successful people with lots of meeting and entertainments – all these are more important than a dying father. Uncle L died alone. When they arrived at the hospital, they did not go into the room to look at Uncle L’s face. They stand outside the room negotiating where the wake should be, your home or mine! Each gave excuses and finally decided to leave Uncle L at the funeral parlor.

Are these real life stories enough to make you sick? I cannot understand how one can do anything like that to one’s parents? Will one not have children of their own? Do they know children learn from examples?

Looking at children borne from the 80s, they are so full of themselves. They do not know what is respect and they are ill-mannered. The Chinese virtues of mannerisms and respecting the elders are rapidly going to grave. How many parents know how to restrain their kids? A friend proudly said to me, “My son, he is so clever and he knows how to tell the uncle he wanted roast duck ‘thigh’ rice. He told uncle to keep the ‘thigh’ and not chopped it up”. I looked at her. She continued to say “Kids are so stressed nowadays; they have tons of homework from school”. What a wonderful mother, my mother never said that I am stressed from my school work and I deserved a ‘duck thigh’.

What children are today, is the doing of parents. How a child is brought up and the values the child is embracing is the doing of the parents. We are creating the future generation, nurturing and instilling values…and until we see the impact…or else we will continue to nature an ‘uncaring’ future generations.

By than I think we all will have to follow the Japanese tradition – when you are old and not useful to your children and society, you will have to wonder off and die in some remote, unreachable and no human will want to wonder place …and take your last breath! Forget about being buried decently. Forget about anyone remembering you on Qing Ming or 7th Month. Actually this serves the purpose of Buddhist teaching…of doing one last good deed ‘leave your body to feed the hungry sentient beings, be it ants, worms or wild dogs.

I was wondering whether we have such place in Singapore to die in peace?

Bits and Pieces...

When I was born
I was loved by my parents
When I started to go to school
My parents’ love turned to phobia
They wanted me to be
Everything they desire
Piano class, Ju Suan class, swimming class, ballet class
And the lots…where is the love?

When I entered my teen,
I began to wonder
Why my chest is so much higher
and why do I need to ‘bleed’
making me sick and uncomfortable...

I began the journey of exploring,
conscious of myself
I wanted to look pretty
I started to make-up already
I want a life without parents' control
I hated their interference,
I hated it when they said
'Girl, you finished your homework?
why are you always talking on your handphone?'

I started LOVING myself more,
Now my friends are most important of all
I find my parents do not understand me …
I started to have ‘secrets’
‘Secrets’ that I shared with my friends,
because I think they understand.

Moving away from my parents mentally
Excuses ...the GAP... a generation gap!
Why my anger builds up every time they talk to me
I had to scream, I had to shout
I had to turn my face and shut my ears..out

My parents – why is my child behaving like this?
We cannot understand them anymore
What are the ‘youngsters’ thinking now a day?
They watch with concern but kept their silence..

I started crying – my first heartbreak...
I broke off from my boy friend...
it was like the end of the world
oh! Idiot...how could this happen?
I am so overwhelmed with grieve,
self pity and ME

When I started working,
I am a ‘matured’ young woman.
Guys swim around like fishes in the sea.
My mind are fed with fashions, brands and luxuries
and possible ‘available’ husband to be!

I picked the man I LOVE,
or I think he LOVEs me.
More are the cases – Most are not the cases!
I am the happy bride...
One day I woke up with a ‘thud’
My husband is not mine anymore..
why? why? Why?
Where did I go wrong? What did I do wrong?
Why that shit ‘woman’.. why not that shit ‘me’
Why am I so blind, why did I fell for his kind…
Why that sweet talking idiot
said all the things he didn't mean!!!!
and got me into this unacceptable whirlwind!

Anger, frustrations, pain, self denied, withdrawal,
Depression and sleepless nights
All because of this Man
who breaks my world like glasses
and leave me to pick up the pieces
My world shattered, my pain suffices, my tear flows
and the pain in my heart is killing me!
I can’t breathe, I want to die..
just buried me alive...

I forgot the LOVE of my parents
watching from afar…
I shut the door and pushed them ‘out’
oh! so long ago..
But I did not realized
they are going through pain…
when I inflicted pain on myself
Why?
because they have a LOVE that I owned
but I did not want..
a LOVE that wrapped around me like bandage
to protect me from 'damage’
BUT I tore them apart!
because I think I am smart

I started looking back..
No matter right and wrong
My parents’ arms are an opened 'Home'
A place I can rest before
I pick up my pace again.

I picked myself up, I moved on
I learnt my mistakes, and I’ll stand tall….
I am not shutting my heart to LOVE
So when the next one comes around..
I am prepared for love battle ground.

The world continues to turn,
things continue to happen
The same song will be sung over and over again
to different people in different land
Be it girl or man,
some are lucky and some are ain’t
But what the heck!
LOVE is the name..
that keeps the world both SANE and INSANE…ha.a.a.a.a.a!