Me, Myself and Ego

Many of us always look too deeply into ‘ME’ when we meet with unhappy events. We always amplified our unhappiness, despairs and sufferings. That is not wrong because it is all about ‘ME’, ‘MYSELF’ and what is more important than my happiness.

Even being a Buddhist, may have vast knowledge, practices more than others but have more defilement. Why? Because we are proud, why? Because of our EGO.

When something went wrong in my life, I look at the mess. I only saw the mess and ask what’s wrong – what's wrong with others but not me? What have I done to invite such sufferings. This is normal. This is what others said ‘ when you are down, you always look down’.

If we look up, we will see Buddha. We will see his compassionate EYEs, we will see his understanding smile and we feel his Bodhicitta. Most of the time we look at ME and not understanding what invited the course for unhappiness. If there is no smoke, where is the fire?

Buddha is all encompassing. He already saw, he understood and he accepted. With the Truth, he left us the milestones to find our happiness.

It is actually not the problem of Buddhist but many other religions probably are the same. People take the Teachings and twist it to their advantage. Others thought they know the teachings and use it to draw circles for others to stand inside. The best part is that they are the outsider looking in. They forget they need to stand inside and look at themselves too.

I understand long ago that there are many aspects to Buddha’s Teachings. It is not easy for me to understand everything. The obscuration I have probably are my stumbling blocks as well. There are many way to practice and I am not smart enough to be a Jack of All Trade. So I chose one aspect and during that period of time, just do that and it is ‘compassion’. I became active in Hospice.

It was during this period that I realized that there are many teachings which are simple and yet we complicate the process. I suppose we are human. We like to complicate things to show that we are smart and we are above others. Many things we saw with our eyes are not Truth. Some are acted out for our benefits.

We are in a Dream. Because we do not know that we are dreaming, we take it as Truth. We react to all the emotions, good and bad.

All the happenings add colors to our life. It is a training. All of us are different and therefore the aspect of sufferings are different. Some have jealously to work on, some anger, some ignorant, some aggressive and others with many more things to refine. Again it is human to say, ‘This is bad, that is good, she is gentle and he is a shit.’

We try to watch our body, speech and mind. We watch, but of others and not ourselves. Chinese has a proverb “A pig looking into the mirror, what is outside and reflected are both not human”. This mean what you see is what you are.

Recently I am watching ‘Impermance’. How I wanted to deny it BUT can I? Impermanent is a Universal Truth, can it be over rided? Therefore I watch the rising and falling of a condition. I did not want to break the energy of connections. It will break by itself when the conditions are over.

I am also watching myself, my reactions to various happenings. I have been calling myself a Buddhist for many years, conveniently but am I truly one? How much Buddha’s teachings do I know – in truly understanding it? It had nothing to do with others. I do not want to act for others to see that I am a good Buddhist…I am only learning. Never have I been more awake until now.

All the misunderstanding and hurts others hurled at me no longer cut me. When there is a Karma, there is an Effect. If I keep throwing back the Karma, it will be never ending. Let me served the Karma here and let me end it.

May all being be well. I pray that I have all the conditions to understand the true essence of Buddha’s teaching. Many have deviated, I pray they come back to the Path. To those embarking, may good conditions arise for them to understand it correctly. For all the good I am trying to do, may the right conditions and support arise so that it is completed without defilements. May my heart be always Selfless and filled with Bodhicitta.