Dreams..n..Reality

There are many types of dreams - day dreams, good dreams, bad dreams, frightening dreams, wet dreams or you do not know you are dreaming? Most of the time our mind continues to work even though we are asleep. Experts will tell you that you dream whether you know it or not. However some dreams are vivid and you can remember them very clearly when you are awake. Some dreams hold a meaning. It is actually your subconscious trying to give you a message. The superstitious believe that it is a message from “somewhere”.

Chinese believes that when you dreamt about the death of someone, it means that person is going to enjoy a long life. The scary part of this is - you contributed to his/her long life by giving up some of yours. Some people dream about coffins - to Chinese, coffins are LUCK. Of course everyone hopes to dream of '4-digit' so that they can strike it rich when they bet on lottery tickets.

Maybe because of my sensitivity or due to my meditation or maybe none of these - I have vivid dreams only when something is going to happen. It is a pre-warning, it is a notice, and it is a call..well whatever name you call it...it is a signal to me. To think logically without all those frills and mystic elements - it is actually my inner self. People always say "Listen to yourself"..."Listen to your heart"..."Listen to that little voice inside you"...yes! It is that "little voice". Many of us ‘hear’ that voice but we ignore it or we are frightened to admit it or because it is something that we do not want..we close our heart to it.

At different points of my life, I had vivid dreams. Some scary, some worrying, some religious and some are predictions of coming events.

Dream #1
I sat in a room (looked like an old wooden house)..and a square table in front of me laid with tea cup and sweet finger titbits. I wore red robe and headgear, jewelry and lips painted RED. I saw a red color double happiness pasted on the wooden wall. It looked like I am dressed to be married. The traditional Chinese style. No one is with me. I am all alone. I sat there for a long time in that semi lit room. The only lights came from a pair of Dragon Phoenix Candles. What is it trying to tell me? Getting married but it is not happening. I came very close to be married..it did not happen because he died.

Dream #2
It was a pavilion. A man is waiting for me. I can still remember that he dressed up like an office executive – a blue long sleeve shirt and black pant. I came up behind him…and I stabbed him..again..and again many times. I do not know why I did that..I knew this man loves me..why am I stabbing him? I ran away..ran..and..ran..my heart is beating like it will jump out of my chest. I heard police car’s siren behind me..I kept running….I ran for a very long time…I keep saying to myself…I killed someone..I killed someone..and the police were after me…RUN! The police car finally caught up with me and it passed me and moved on. Oh! They are not after me! I kept thinking..did he die..did he die..?? What is it trying to tell me? Yes, I killed the love of someone for me…I did. I chose my parents over him!

Dream #3
I am at this pagoda. I knew it was a furnace. I saw a man throwing dead bodies into this furnace. I saw my brother was one of them. But when it came to my turn, I woke up. I cried..I don’t want to wake up. A voice said that my time is not due. I have a mission I need to fulfill. What is it trying to tell me? I knew from this dream that my brother and I will share the same Faith, we did now. I woke up from the dream with tears all over my face. That was a time I was so pure in my prayers and my heart was so calm. I do not want to stay in this world and contaminate myself..but my duties need to be done and I did.

Dream #4
This happened when Dad was taken away by the police for interrogation on the case of his friends. Mum was mad at him and so was the family. I did not say anything bad or blame Dad. But deep in my heart I was very very sad. That night when I slept. I dreamt that I was kneeling saying my daily prayers..at this point..the Goddess of Mercy came down from the altar. She was dressed in Black robe. Not the usual white one we always saw in her portraits. She spoke to me for a long time. I felt my heart quiet down and I felt a deep sense of peace and inner bliss. When I woke up, I could not recall her face, or what she said. However the deep sense of peace and bliss lasted for weeks. What is it trying to tell me? To renew my believe in my Dad and my connection with the Goddess of Mercy. I know she looks after me always.

Dream #5
I appeared at a place, it is not a familiar surroundings. Something is happening but I do not know what. White banners are flying everywhere…everything is in white...There is some kind of procession going on…and all the palanquins are also in White...It looked like a festival..and yet it looked like a funeral procession. I looked around at the sea of people..and yet there isn't any sound at all. I saw Steve. He was standing on top a rail…the type that barricade the road to keep pedestrians at bay... I am glad I saw someone I know. I walked up to him and said ‘Hi’. He looked down at me..and continued to watch the procession, ignoring me. I told myself that since he did not bother..I will walk home. My home is on top of a hill. It is a good road however it is a very difficult walk home. My feet were like so heavy that I find it so difficult to lift them. I dragged myself all the way up the hill. It seems like ages and finally I entered the gate to my Home. The funny thing..I did not go into the house. Instead I walked around to the backyard. When I strolled into the backyard..I stopped. I was surprised to see a Tibetan Monk dressed with ceremonial headgear. He is rounded with a cheerful smile on his face. I stood rooted to the ground. A voice said “You met your Master and don’t you know how to pay respect?” Immediately I dropped to the ground and did my full prostration. Before I can kneel, the Monk threw his robe into the air and amazingly it covered the whole of the backyard. It served like a carpet so I kneel on top of it. When I did my full prostration – lying full on the ground , the ground fitted exactly to my body contour..like a mattress..protecting me from stones and the hardness of the ground. I kept prostrating and the Monk said “ Not bad, not bad”. The Voice spoke again “True. She is a dragon”. Do you believe it, I visited a Temple in Nepal..on the road..to the back of the Temple..these words were written in white.."Welcome Home".

What is it trying to tell me? My relationship with Steve is dying. Once dead I will move on to pursue my religion..the Tibetan Buddhism. I did..I started to visit Sri Lanka, Nepal and India on pilgrimages.

Dream #6
Although I did not make a fuss about Steve, silently it hurts me very deep. It came when I am not prepared. One night, a few months later, I had a dream. I saw myself parking my car. As I was walking I ran into Steve and his wife. We stopped and I scolded them so furiously and then I stormed off. When I cooled down, I regretted. Why did I do all that, now my merits fields are all burnt. I walked on and I saw a monk. He was trying to balance a few tins and I went up to him. I offered to help him to carry some. The Monk offered me a ‘Heart’ shaped metal tin…I refused to take it. I asked for the rectangular one. He smiled and gave it to me. Oh My God..it was small and yet it was so heavy. The monk started to walk and I carried this tin running after him. I lost sight of him. I searched for him. The more rounds I ran to look for him, the tin became lighter. It became smaller….and finally it disappeared totally from my hands. With this the monk appeared from nowhere, he smiled at me and disappeared again.

What did this tells me? The divine knows my pain and my sufferings. The running around with it eliminated the heaviness and burden in my heart. The pain lifted. I had no more anger. True because one week after we broke off, I was seconded overseas. I carried my pain with me. During this period I worked very hard, I nursed my wound and it slowly lifted. I had no more anger. My friend was surprise that I had no anger towards them. Actually Steve is a good person. Our affinity is not deep enough to be together. Men have the weaknesses and how can I say he is 'bad' just because it ended the 'unexpected' way!

Therefore as you cleanse yourself spiritually, your inner self surfaces. It is your guiding light..it is subtle, it is light..and only if you are sensitive to it...you know. I am sure many of you at some point of time experienced this too.

Dreams and reality…are they interlink? Do we know ourself? I believe we know what is happening and where is the solution.

There are many more such incidents... but I do not dream about them anymore. It came as a kind of 'six sense'. My heart tells me what is happening...most of the time it is true. Whether it happens at home, in the office, to myself, to friends...it is 'there'.

I was with my Mum when she passed away. There is no sign that she is leaving. Somehow I stood there looking at her, she was very calm, no heavy breathing, she looked at me..no saddness in her eyes. It is a silent communication - I knew she is happy with her life and with us. I told my siblings as they were sitting nearby "Mum is leaving.. pull the curtain around please." My brother did not believe me but both of them came and stood besides me, all three of us sent Mum off. We saw her breathing slowed down. We saw her closed her eyes..very peacefully she left. Scary right?

I am still grieving..I know you all read this many times all over my various postings. Yes, grieving needs to be done properly. It takes time..it depends on the person and the attachment. As I talked about it, I am letting it go...but it is not gone yet. I asked myself why? I knew the answer...because of gratitude, because of Love, because we have no 'anchor', because we have no relatives from my adopted parents side. We are all 'alone'. It is also feeling sorry for my adopted parents, they are such good folks. There will be no one to carry the family name when the day comes when me and my siblings die...this family is extinct. Truly extinct