Wednesday, May 27, 2009


It was said “Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder”… this is ever so true. We saw many Imperfect People…but their Hearts are so Perfect. We saw so many Perfect People but their perfectness are but Skin Deep.

So what is Beauty…Beautiful? I have never considered myself anything near to the word Beauty or Beautiful. It is in every girl’s dreams to be a Beauty or Beautiful. Beautiful people always get their ways around, even when they are mean, shallow and scheming. Everyone likes Beauty…their Eyes can only see that far and not beyond. Be it Men or Women…they saw what they want to see.

Cut all the craps about self-esteemed, about confident and being yourself. When you are made to feel and are being compared…what do you think? Especially girls…we are vain and we are born with the right to be Vain. From very young age we know that we have to have a family with background, we have to have brains, we have to have beauty, we have to have love, we have to have all the things we want to have. We know that if we are not a Beauty, we should at least have brain. We set a standard for ourselves. Or is it the cruel world, with all the FAKE expectations and we run after it so that we think by being Perfect, we will not be denied of all the FUN the world can offer.

I am not a Beauty, neither am I ‘brainless’ and my brain may not be as brainy as some. I am as hard working and honest as the person next to me…so what? Where do I go and what do I get? Lucky for me I am a thick-skin. I do not have inferiority-complex. I have friends who ran off to fake everything that she is borne with – even her virginity! FOR? Her self-esteemed? To get what she wants? To get the so called High Society Man who can provide for her Vanity? For LOVE? For Status? For MONEY?

It is the cruel environment we live in. Everyone is so competitive. It is drilled into us that we have to be the best - best in everything. HOW MANY ‘BEST’ CAN THERE BE IN THIS WORLD? It will be nice if everyone is the BEST. So if everyone is the BEST, who is going to be the BEST ‘BEST’…and it goes on!!!!

I have lived in this cruel world long enough to ‘suffer’ all the barbs. I have also learned to accept myself for what I am long ago. Too bad if I am not a Beauty to you, you did not lose anything neither do I. I am not the most outstanding staff you wanted, however I am an honest one – no one will bother to find out BUT I give myself a thumb-up! I am not an easy to get along person, too bad. Blame the environment for making a girl grows needles all over her like a porcupine and she needs it to protect herself and not HARM others.

Given the politics in the working world, what sort of sufferings, belittling, cruel and demeaning outbursts that I have not faced? It could be so bad that you doubt your self-esteem? It hurts and hurts like hell! I got over it and ‘what was said than is history now. HOW can I please everyone? HOW can I make everyone like me? I don’t like everyone too. I only like some because I think they are nice to me. AM I also not categorizing? WHO am I suppose to prove to that everything I do is flawless? Proper? Intelligent?....there is no PERFECT HUMAN BEING! Am I asking a bit too much of myself? WHY do I need to compete with everyone or show everyone that I am GOOD? I never trust reassurance from others, most of the time what is said is never delivered.

If I allowed all the above to fill my LIFE, I will feel that I have wasted my existence in this lifetime. I came here with a purpose. I came to learn many lessons - some happy, some sad, some painful, some joy and all that this Samsara has to offer. IF I let myself go into Depression, Depression is also a lesson I need to learn. WHAT got me into Depression? Am I asking too much of myself? If I have given my best shot, I will not leave to regret. My self worthiness, is that the business of others? There are people who are fond of running people down to make themselves look GREAT. Anyway you ONLY LIVE ONCE… nothing to do with James Bond! As long as you touch your heart, you may not be that GOOD, neither are you that BAD…after all we are just HUMAN. My concept is Always maintain a Good HEART!

Actually this post is for someone dear to me. Instead of looking around at what people said ‘About Me’, what people ‘Think About Me’, what ‘Untruthful Things said about me’ – IT IS THEIR BRAIN, THEIR MOUTH AND THEIR SINS! What has that got to do with me? SNAP! Out of caring too much about what people says. I got my fair share. AT THE END OF THE DAY, I am going to face my Karma….or you would say ‘I have to face GOD'.

Remember, we LOVE you OR probably I should not speak for ‘WE’….AT LEAST, I LOVE YOU! and I know my Fook Kokor too! Do not place your happiness and self worthiness in the hands of others. I SAID this one million and one time on my Blog, to Alice, Appleteas and now to YOU, my dear!

You know what we have gone through as kids? You know how we struggle to be where we are today? You know and hear my stories? You are one of US, and you are definitely NOT WEAK!

I have no chance to go into Depression. I have no time to go into Depression. I have no time even to pity myself, cry for myself (to think about it), I have no time for SELF EGO (I have none as I lived in a borrowed body, there is no ME) and what IF I go into all that? Who is going to look after my parents? If I go MAD, anyone is going to PITY me? SO why must I GO Mad? Who would be hurt if anything happen to me? My Parents and siblings. Not even friends…because as time goes by, what am I to them? They will also forget me and maybe occasionally remember that ‘SILLY’ Me!

LET IT GO!!! I am so sorry that you grew up in an insecure surroundings, BUT me too, you know? If you allow people to BULLY you, they surely will. If you allow people to treat you like a DOORMAT, you invited it. You need not hurt others BUT you can speak up for yourself. If the work environment is not conducive, change. Changes may create some uneasiness, I am facing that too… but WHY let yourself go CRAZY? You have a choice. You still have Dad to fall back on. You can afford to take a break and your family does not need you for bread and butter. Mine do.

The Unique You, have nothing to do with Perfection. Why must you be a perfectionist and act like one for the eyes of others? The greatest men on Earth are/were not perfect…. WHO ARE YOU? Just live any honest existence, fulfill you duty, smell the flowers, touch the tree, smile at the morning dew hanging on a leave waiting to fall onto the ground. Look at the sky, see the ever changing clouds, feel the wind on your face and isn’t that good. Sit around at Malls, along the streets and in the Parks – look at people, look at the children, the young, the old and those on wheelchairs – Do you think they are Perfect? Do you think that they do not have any sufferings? Whether you are Perfect or Imperfect, in the eyes of others, they have their measuring tapes. Can you meet all that? Do you have to meet any for a matter of fact?

I am 100% an IMPERFECT PERSON with so many flaws. As a daughter, as a sister, as a staff, as a friend, as a neighbor, as Buddhist devotee, as a public, as a Global citizen and now a netizen – I laugh at myself and I give myself, very gently a 50% marking ONLY.

So my Dear, your Aunt, so full of her righteousness, so full of zeal, full of anger, full of warm, full of love…never ever think that I need to live up to the expectations of anyone. I probably will put myself through liposuctions to get fats out of my body, re-shaped my face, give myself a high nose, kissable lips, right size boobs…for? Better still if I can change my brain, change my status in society, become the Boss of those who bullied me BUT can I make everyone like me?

YOU ACCEPT ME FOR WHAT I AM! IT is also OK if you do not love me. It is OK if you want to gossips and talk bad about me. It is OK if you doubt my sincerity. It is OK if you doubt my ability…. The most important, I DO NOT DOUBT MYSELF! PLEASE do not doubt yourself.

Hope the message got through to you. It is such a pity that you need to put yourself in the hands of others and went into DEPRESSIONS because of all these unworthy people! If the LIEW blood flows in you, you should from now ON, stand tall! We do not need you to be Mrs President, nor Mrs Prime Minister, nor Ms World, nor some Great names – we do not belong to that league. We just want you to be yourself, have a healthy body and mind, it does not matter what Religion you follow – JUST BE YOU. Do not expect Life to be gentle and kind – BUT you can expect LIFE to teach you a few lessons and when you look back when you are 60s, will you laugh?

Do you know why I GO into all these words here? I just want to tell you that this World is IMPERFECT and IMPERFECTION in the eyes of artists is BEAUTY!



  1. I'm not a beauty, I crave too much for chocolates, I think I'm starting to gain weight in a bad way, I am such a stubborn girl and the list goes on... But I'm still who I am and still living a crappy (sometimes) and enjoyable life so yeah, life sucks sometimes but I just love to challenge it! Live it up~ ^_^

  2. Yup..that is what I told her. There is no perfection. I am sad that she went into Depression...

    Talking abt chocolate..we can be best friends you know. I will never fight with you over chocolates...bcos I don't like them. I am not 'snacky' and yet I have weight we me all these while... so beauty is not in my vocab! ha.a.a.a.