Tuesday, May 6, 2008

My beginning....

I wanted to have a Blog to record my life stories, meaning it is my private and personal diary. Stories may sound similar to those you read somewhere or maybe it looks like yours, but what I posted inside here is strictly my own. You are welcome to comment but please do not post anything rude. I may or may not respond to you.

Life is very funny. It is planned before we arrive into this World. Recently I went back to the country/town where I was born. I visited the house I lived in when I was a kid. Many feelings filled my heart and no words could expressed my gratitude to my adopted parents... they are no longer around but I wanted to say 'The Greatest Gifts Heaven Gave Me is my MUM and DAD'.

As I typed this my tears flow, because I missed them, because I felt I could have been a better child, because of gratitude, because I wanted to tell them myself.... but I can only communicate mentally, I wanted to hug them and tell them that I love them but it is not possible now. I realized that we will never meet again... in the same form, in the same family and in the same status.

I also visited my natural parents' graves. I called them Uncle and Aunt. I thank them for bringing me to this world, for giving me away to such gracious and wonderful adopted parents, for giving me nine (9) siblings although we are given to different families but we managed to keep in touch. We treasure that we are siblings and we treasure that we are able to meet again. I think my natural parents can rest in peace now as I know it was not their choice to give us away, it was circumstances that did not allow us to be by their sides. I want my natural parents to know that I bear no anger towards them.

The person with the greatest merit is my elder brother. Although we are given to different families, he took the trouble to keep in touch with our adopted parents by letters and greeting cards. This makes it easier for us to be connected again. I believe it must have been difficult for this little boy to see his siblings being given away one by one. He understands and there is nothing he could have done to stop it. Thank you Kor. If not for you, we are scattered and not found our roots. Thanks to my second brother, Fook. (He and Stan are the only two my natural parents kept with them.)

Fook is a man of few words but I know it must have been very very tough for him too. Being a man of few words, he kept all the hurts inside him. This time when I met him again, he told me something which my heartache. He said, 'Every day after school, I look forward to go home and see my little sister. One day I came home and the little baby was gone.' From then on, he stopped looking forward to his younger siblings. But I am sure Fook is happy now, that all his siblings are in touch. We try to meet up when opportunity presents itself.

To both my brothers, thank you and let me tell you this - I Love you both. This birthday was very special to me. It is like I have fulfilled a mission. I have completed a cycle, to connect my energy again from the place I was born to the place I lived before, to be with my siblings and their wonderful children. To visit both sets of parents graves and paid my respect and now I can go on living my life with no regrets.

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