Thursday, December 3, 2009


I went 'Missing in Action' for days. I have been away for retreat and at the same time have been reciting the Golden Light Sublime Sutra. This is very new to me as I have never read it before or heard about it until lately.

A few friends are facing marital problems. It makes me wonder what is 'LOVE'. All the more it makes sense to Buddha's teachings. Buddha's teaching is not based on 'believes', or 'superstitions', or 'lies' but proven truth. It is timeless, whether 2500 years ago or today...we HUMAN have not changed at all but we are getting from Bad to Worst.

Actually I am in no position to give advice to anyone. What can a single girl said to friends who are experiencing pain, betrayal, confusion, sundials...etc. I also begin to wonder why women during Mum's time are so tolerant? Marriages are match-made and yet people produced children and live together to the end. I suppose they are happier because they know that they marry because they had to, it is nature's call, it is their duty, their responsibilities and one's lifetime 'work'...they did not marry because of 'LOVE'.

However we are different, we placed lots on the word 'Love'...and when we lost it, we become miserable. Till today I wonder whether we realized that 'LOVE' does not last? It goes deeper than that - it is responsibilities towards each other, it is a commitment we made to another being, it is something we wanted so much and yet we do not hesitate to stray or betray. If we have children, what right do we 'stupid' adults have to cause the children so much pain and make their growing up basked and baked with grudges, anger and retaliation by destroying their own life? I read a book 108 police case of murders, sexual and murder, shootings, killings for fun, friends killing friend as punishments...these people come from broken homes.

I told my friend, we all made a decision. At that point we are blissful, happy, in love and now it has turned sour. It is like walking in a tunnel...this tunnel can only be walked by two people and it belongs to them alone. Outsider like us cannot, even if we want to, to be a 901 rescue team. YOU have to rescue yourself. YOU have to walk this tunnel, from brightness to darkness BUT if you get out, the landscape is different. What type of landscape do you want all depend on you. You can plant it with lights, flowers, singing birds, you can built it around Stupa with spiritual lights, live with Buddha and his retinue OR you can have a barren land - 'cueless'. It is pulling oneself together and knowing what oneself wants. Buddha gave peace to the heart...what goes up must come down, what is sadness with find happiness, poor can be on it.

I learnt a lot from my master this week. I am also going through some obstacles myself. Life is short. Along the way we stumbles and falls. It is inevitable. As long as we have given our best shot and if it still 'die', meaning affinity is over.

I quote something I read somewhere....and hope it serves as an encouragement and motivation for all.

You cannot give, unless you have.
You cannot give, unless you are willing to give.
You cannot love, until you know the pain of Love.
You cannot love, unless you know how to love yourself.
You cannot make someone happy, when you are not.
You cannot make someone happy, if your happiness is not what he wanted.
You cannot share, if you close your heart.
You cannot share, if someone closes his heart.

I wonder can someone be happy knowing that one is not? - I do not think so. One can smile, go around one's routine, pretending it was a bad experience, but at the back of one's mind, one will not forget. At night when one sleeps, or at the most uncalled for will remember because one have shared time together.

Not many people part amicably and become friends. In any parting, surely there is one party that is the most hurt.

Learnt to forgive yourself. By forgiving yourself than you can forgive others.


  1. I read what you have read many many many times today..
    I know you are writing it out for me..
    Thanks... really thanks..
    cos somehow it had gave me some encouragement...

  2. Is this " Marriage " dukkha?

    I believe there are many people facing this type of problem nowaday. The main reason is " Emotion " over-rule a " Calm and Clear " mind.

    Problems that involve human feeling are difficult to be resolved. If both parties can be open minded, sit down and define clearly what " END-RESULT " they are looking at, I believe things can be resolved. No one should stick to their own extreme view! They should look at " Win-Win " situation. As the saying goes, " Only those who tied the knots can untie the knots! No one can and no one may!"

    May all beings be well and happy!

  3. Hi, no, this time is not solely because of you. There are other friends going through the same motions. After listening I need a place to let go so no where better than my blog.

    I am glad this posting give you encouragement. Jiayou!

  4. Hi, not all marriages are 'Dhukkha'. This is only when it hit the rocks. I agree with you, nothing a 3rd party can do but only listen. Some knots are easily untied but the parties made it so painful and difficult.