Not many people are aware of their thought processes.
Recently I am aware of my thoughts on and off and at the same time aware of my surroundings and the people around me. I realized my heart ''thoughts'' played many tricks on me or me being gullible because I did not guard my thoughts.
My ''heart'' responded to external influences. When someone is nice to me, I said he is nice. When someone is not friendly I asked ''why''. Our ''heart'' is forever busy judging and reasoning. Some time we reasoned to make us feel better but actually there is nothing to justify.
Whatever arises is due to conditions and thus the consequences. We are not aware that our actions may caused or disturbed others thoughts. We always think that I don't care and what you feel is our own ''thoughts''.
When we say there is nothing but actually there is something because our reactions towards the other party is no longer friendly. We can be cordial or a matter of fact but we no longer care about the results it brings.
I realized the Road of Cultivation is a lonely one. There are so many doors leading to the same goal and each of us takes a different one. There are people who travelled together, there are people like me who have to be on my own. The problem is recognizing that you are ''alone'' and do not forced yourself onto anyone. The problem with human beings are we want to be associated. I know that we say we want to practice, we want to achieve ultimate enlightenment, we want to achieve for the benefits of Sentient Beings....but we keep on causing pain to others.
I also realized that all the Great Masters achieved clarity and wisdom when they are practising on their own and finally Enlightenment. Before one understand what it is, how can one tell people about it? In another word, if we do not abandone the Three Poisions, how do we understand the profound and yet simple Truth? We are already so confused with bombardment of so many information. Some say this is good, we all run there; some say this is no good, we all keep away. Some say this is a Perfect Teacher because of name and fame and we are like idol chasing. We want to be associated with the most popular masters - Yes, they are good Masters but what do we see in them?
I rejoiced at all the Gurus who has attained an enlighten mind in their many life times. They are now here because they wanted to reach out to all those who has the affinity with them. Do we look at the Gurus of passed achievement or do we look at the Gurus we know or think that we know? How many of us take time to find out? Mostly we know who he is in the past and follow him now because he is renowned?
Buddha reminded when Dharma is slowly receding, we have to be an island onto our self. We just need to continue practising and perfecting our self for the coming of the next Buddha. Yes, we can achieve this life time so we will come back for others when we understand what is it all about.
Did you ever thought why are there so many Arahants during Buddha Sakyamuni's time. There are many devotees or even people who met Him first time, listened to his Teachings and attained different stages of Arahantship?
I will continue to ''look at the rising and falling of my thoughts''. I know too that I will stray from my cause on and off. I will still continue to pay my respect to all Masters who follow Buddha's Dharma and is spreading the correct Teachings.
At the end of the day, I have to face ''Death" myself. All the good things I have done is to prep myself so that I don't go to Hell? If I am a practitioner, going to Hell may not be a bad thing because there are endless suffering beings there too.....and there are also Great Masters and Bodhisattva there too. Going to Hell is also to clear obstacles and you need not be burnt there too...do you believe?