Withered affinity...

Recently some friends asked me.."Lian, why did you not get married, have kids and let someone's shoulders be a sanctuary." I know for a long time that I will remain single not because I am a gay but people are speculating. Some friends said "You deserve a nice man." I just smiled and said nothing. Being single is a choice, not a must.

Nice men are plentiful but of what that interest me or they are interested in me that makes the different. Not all nice man remains nice because you never know until you live with him. This category is vague. I supposed she meant someone who loves me and adores me and kowtow to me, at my back and call, only have eye for me, listen only to me...like what she had. I will not consider a puppet. I believe love is not like that.

Many were all lovey dovey and oblivious to people around them. The bliss and happiness then were all washed down after years of struggling to keep a family, make things work and the killing factors are lack of communication, understanding, give and take and keep the anger. The shoulder turned into rock when one looses jobs, with bills to meet, mortgage to service, car to upkeep and all the fees for the kids to attend to all kinds of activities and not to mention some pocket monies for both sides parents.

I realized that the tolerance of my parents era are gone. To them marriage was made to keep - today marriage is for convenient - happy stay together, not happy "call it a day". Reputation was the utmost importance then but today, being a Divorcee is nothing. No one will call you names, throw stones at you and brand you a taboo. You can continue to marry until you find the right guy.

Most girls love to be loved, pampered, marry Prince Charming and live happily ever after. The facts in reality is not like that. It is human to be dissatisfied. We may be loved, pampered and marry our Prince but after years of toils, can the love stand the test? Therefore I will only marry if I will die without that person...such person is hardly to be found on earth.

How can I make it possible
to meet you
when my life is at its full bloom of youth
beautiful and tender
Because of this I prayed to the Buddha
I prayed for 500 years
"Please Buddha, please let me
meet this special person"
For my wishes,
Buddha turned me into a tree
I grew along the path
that you strolled every morning
Under warm sunshine
I started to flower
The sweet scent filled the path
so that it enhances the way
and you will notice me
To fill your sight with my fresh blooms
and rustling of my leaves in the wind
whispering to you when you walk by
I prayed for your attention
BUT
you strolled pass
not looking at the beautiful blooms
nor did you hear my whisper
your indifference turned
my heart cold
So cold until it died
As the wind blew my withered
flower petals and leaves
around your feet
you walked on it and you
walked on
my bleeding heart....