Thursday, December 11, 2008

My Beloved Mum....

The month of December is a festive month but to me it is the saddest month.

12th December... the day Mum passed away two years ago. I have never imagined a life without Mum. Mum, someone who loves me unconditionally. Mum someone who protected me, standby me, praised me when I did right, scolded me when I am wrong, provided me a platform to learn and reason, taught me how to put others before myself. Mum, taught me gratitude. She taught me to remember what others did for me and return kindness.

The final hour is still so vivid in my memory. She looked at me, just looked at me. There were unspoken words because she had said all she wanted to say. She had given instructions to my siblings. I only learnt about it now, thank you Mum for being so considerate.

You have complimented me on my contribution and dedication to the family. You have expressed that you have lived a full life with no regrets. BUT Mum... I have prayed for you to stay on, do you know? Even if I have to carry you on my shoulder and run around the World a million times, I am not able to repay your Love.

I saw you weaken every time you went into hospital and back. You stayed because I prayed for you to. I was reluctant to let you go but finally I realized that I am selfish to hang on to you. I stopped praying for you to stay but instead for you to leave if time is up and that you leave in peace. You did.

When December comes, the sky rains and my heart bleeds...for a Mum I missed so much – my anchor, my pillar and my strength!

When I was a baby you picked me up
Cuddled me in your loving arms
Provided me a sanctuary of safe haven
Away from the 'elements'

When I started running and went to school
I discovered a whole new world out there
Playing, learning and all the extra
activities to try and bring out my talents.

When I stepped into secondary and JC's years
I was engrossed with school works and making friends
Moving away from parents were subtle.
I no longer want to tail behind my mother.

Mum watched and nagged, guided and scolded
For my good, for my safety to guard my modesty
I rebelled, I bargained and compromised
to get my way around
mostly, because she loves me so.

Years slipped away so quickly
I stepped into the working world
A young lady
Ready to play my part in the society
To realize out there is not as fun
As it seems to be

Along the way I stumbled and fall
Achieved some and lost out some
I learnt as I went along
Full of burises from trails and errors
Something I have to learn to tender.

One day I woke up to know my parents were aging
My responsibilities were increasing
For love, can I just walk away into matrimony bliss?
Away from my parents, my country, my home?

I chose to stay, I buried myself in work
I do courses after courses
to be on par with my peers
And to match up to the working world

With a blink of an eye,
Dad said ‘Good-bye’ and
now Mum did same
leaving me at lose end....

Like a kite, the string is broken
Where is my anchor?
Where is my solace?
Who to confide and
who to wipe away my tears?

Come December, the last month in a calendar
A full stop to a life force….to loosing Mum.
Mum, I will never stop missing you
If there is another life time
I will still be your child.


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