MISUNDERSTANDING...

 

 

Tolerance of misunderstanding is like having a Mouth and it is Useless. It is like an itch inside you that verbalizing it makes it worst. You are caught in a situation that realizing all said is Fake even though it is the Truth. Something lost cannot be brought back by Words no matter how Sincere you are.

 

I admit my mistakes but no point making it Good. Because "To those who believe..no need to explain. To those who don't..more said more wrong".

 

I am sure many of us have been in this position before and no matter how painful, we lived with it. There are things that happened between human beings that are so complicated. You know why? It is our EGO!

 

We always think that we are right, we have been wronged and therefore we must retaliate or else others may think that we are weak. We do not allowed others to bully us. We are higher and better...etc..etc. WRONG! if only we stepped back, we can see the sky is blue and there are endless space out there.

 

If we think that others have wronged us, have we not wronged others before?

 

The worst is here..."in the eye of law, even if you are summon to hang, the law give you a chance to state your case". NOT misunderstanding, you are condemned with no chance to state your case.

 

Amendments are made for self awareness NOT for others approval.

 

These are my reflections!

“Buddha said
When you see through a person, you need not expose him”
By doing so you learnt the lesson of Forgiving
When you Dislike a person and keep your Cool
You will earn respect
In Living, there will be people you cannot agree with or people you dislike
Being Mature does not mean you have lived longer than others
Or you have taken more path or you have more failures
It is about LETTING GO
When you realized and let go, you are letting go Defilements
The Pain and Suffering of everyone
Will not be erased over time
It is whether one wants to share the sufferings
Some deep inner scars are hidden not because one don't care about it
It is silently facing the pain and pacifying oneself to understand the Truth
Coming to this age
It is not whom you are comfortable with or uncomfortable with
Even with Friends, so when one is tired just 'hibernate' and keep away
You will pass the age of Dislike and Like
It is easier to make oneself Happy than making others Satisfied
There is a saying…
I rather be Lonely than do things that is against my Principle
People who comes into my heart, I will keep them as Treasure
People who keep away, I will not beg -
when Affinity is low although my Love is deep
So when one is sad, there is not need to lament to others
They will not understand nor feel your pain
So look up at the Sky above
It is so spacious and endless and it embraces the whole YOU
So if one is sad…no need to lament to others
Because there are Pain which only you will know and feel
So if one is sad… no need to pretend that you are happy
Giving other happiness doesn’t mean you need to forget your own pain
So who have not suffered Pain, and
Who remembers?
Things passed is gone and will not return
If you really want to pretend, than be the one who is HAPPY
We walk this Path of Sufferings
and must learn to endure the Pain

May we All achieved inner peace

Ohm Mani Padme Hung

FRIENDS...

This picture and the quote touched my heart. There are many types of people in the world and all our friends are not the same. Some are vocal, some emotional, some secretive and there are some who are not able to express their sufferings.

 

Many times we take friends for face value. They look fine to you and seems like all is going well in front but we never have the time in our hectic daily life to really care.

 

I thank friends who tell me they are going through a difficult time. It is not that they asked you for help nor do they need your advise. They just need a shoulder.

 

Recently a dharma sister told me that she had contacted virus and she ran a non stop fever for a few days. It hurts her breathing as well. We are not close friends but I knew she trusted me to tell me. I did not bombard her with SMS or call her zealously. Occasionally I dropped her a short SMS to see how is she. I am glad I saw her active and babbly again in the temple.

 

Another friend is going through a relationship breakdown. We knew but she is not telling. From her frame and the expression on her face and the way she avoided people, we knew. However we are not going to run after her and try to find out. We suffer in silent with her, watching her and ready to give her a hand when she needs it. We pray that she has the strength to pull through.

 

We do not know at any one time we may be in a situation which we need help. We should not assumed that all our friends are well. Therefore I stay alert.

All compounded things are impermanent
All stained emotions brings pain
All phenomena are empty
Nirvana is Peace

My Four Boyfriends...

I have four boyfriends with me all the time and I love all four of them. However as in human weaknesses, of course there is a degree of affection.

I love my 4th boyfriend the most. I showered him with the most expensive and branded clothes and accessories and feed him with the best and finest food ever. I splurged on him.

As for my 3rd boyfriend, I showed him off to everyone I met. I make sure that everyone knows of his good look and I keep making sure he has the best treatment to keep him looking young with good complexion and health. However, I always fear that he will leave me.

My 2nd boyfriend is my best friend. I tell him everything and confide in him when I am in problem or when I am sad. He is always so patient with me and stays with me and sees me through all my tough times.

#1 is always the dependable one. He is a loyal partner. He always keeps to virtuous actions and maintains my wealth. I love him least. I seldom took notice of him being around only until I am not well or when I am fearful and need spiritual comfort..

One day I realized that I am going to die. With much attachment I asked my 4th boyfriend whether he will follow me. He said “No way” and walked away.

I turned to my 3rd boyfriend and asked the same questions. “NO! Life is so good here. Why should I die with you? I will marry someone else and continue my good life.”

When my 2nd boyfriend came to see me, I told him I am dying and he has always been supportive and my confidante and will he dies with me? He said “No, but at most I can walk you to your grave”.

This time #1 heard all the conversations and he quietly said “Don’t be afraid, I will follow you and be with you and never leave you wherever you are”. Someone I have neglected and never take notice of, someone whom I have not given any attention is willing to die with me. I regretted I have not given much attention to him but he has been silently accumulating my virtues and wealth. I know that I am not alone and he will always be with me, ever.

In actual fact we truly have 4 boyfriends…

The 4th boyfriend is actually our Body. We always lavished on our Body and give it its best. The sad thing is Body will leave when we die.

My 3rd boyfriend is all my Possessions i.e Status and Wealth. I am so afraid I lose them but I am not able to take him with me, he will go to others’ arms.

My 2nd boyfriend is my Family and Friends. No matter how close we are, they will never want to die with me, at most send me to my grave.

My 1st boyfriend is my Spiritual endeavors. He is the least I pay attention to. When I spent so much time on Body, accumulating Possessions and running around Family and Friends, I have no time for Spiritual.

However Spiritual never leaves me. It stays and accumulates every little merit I did. With these, Spiritual follows me until I attained Realization for the benefits of all Beings. It is my final manifestation of Realty and Non-Duality.

So you have to take good care of all 4 of them. They need to sync to Spiritual. Know your priority and never lost track. Keep your focus on the final goal and good luck.

Twisted Truth...

I met a long time friend at an event. I have not seen her and had tried to contact her but to no results. It takes affinity to meet again and we still have the link.

In actual fact I know why she disappeared from the scene, I heard it here and there from the ground but her own mouth. So I took the opportunity to ask, not so much as probe but wanted to let her talk. I did not tell her I believe her story.

(I said I believe because this particular man, in an event was standing very close to my back with his stomach pushing against my butt! I turned around and looked at him and he pretended to look at his handphone. He need not stand so close to me, the place is not packed and behind him still have space. That moment I knew what he was. I walked away from him abruptly to make sure he knew I know what he is up to.)

This girl is still affected by the whole situation although she claimed that it happened in 2013 and now she had let it go. From her facial expression and the tears rolling in her eyes, I knew the trauma is not over. She is graceful to say she didn't want to talk about it, suppressing is not healing! So I said...''is it a sexual abuse or a verbal abuse?" She looked and me and I saw pain, so I asked " one or two "? She painfully said "one".

I will not mention here how she was sexually abused. It happened at a crowded place, so convenient to find an excuse. There was a person with her and that person did not speak up for her because the man was her friend. She confronted the man and tell him to acknowledge his action, apologised and she will forgive him. However he denied. Sexual harassment in Singapore carries a fine, heavier ones need to go to jail and get the cane plus fine. I supposed there is also ''face'' value here.

However what sadden me is not all these. The people who organized the event just want to pacify things, ignoring the trauma that this girl is going through. They did not give her the emotional support that she needed. Probably being Buddhist, we think we are peace-loving people and not aggravate matters. There are also other agendas, I am sure.

Now the twisted fact amused me. People around her told her not to speak about this matter to anyone. They said that this man is a Varjayana practitioner and he practiced Tsog very well and can purify all his negative Karma so he will not reaped the Effect. They went further to blackmail her by saying that if she continues to talk about this, she will go to Hell when she dies. GOSH!

How can people who practice the Dharma twists the facts of Cause and Effect to their benefit at the expanse of another Being? People keep mouthing about the Four Immeasurable and yet they commit hurting Beings. They thought that they are being good and by helping the faulty one they are pushing him further into Hell.

The problem with people is they practice Varjayana with a wrong view. They do not have the foundation of Buddha's teaching. They think that by practicing Varjayana they can fly, they are unbreakable, all the rituals and purification can cleansed them of all the wrong, and they continue to do wrong. They have no fear. How can a person practice Dharma without understanding Cause and Effect, without compassion for suffering Beings. What one cares about is physic power or I am close to so and so high lamas and I am able to do Tsog so well. I can do Tsog ritual well too if I am on it for years and that doesn't mean I will get Enlightenment.

Karma and its Results is the law of the Universe. It doesn't belongs to the Buddhist. It is how the Universe system guard the good and make sure the bad learn their lessons. What one sows, one reaps. Simple logic. Even Buddha himself, who is already enlightened was hurt by a splint of a stone that hit his feet and it bleeds. WHO in this world can say they can escape Karma? and they are not even enlightened like the Buddha?

It further sadden me to see that this is really degeneration of all the holy teachings from various masters. We are Varja brothers and sisters but we use the holy teachings as a facade, as an excuse to our crime.

I can only comfort her by using Buddha's teaching and inwardly I radiate loving-kindness to her. Don't bullshit me about emptiness, emptiness is not like this. We are still in Samsara and until we realized, we will not understand the true meaning of emptiness. We may have a glimpse at it, but only superficially.

Sincerely from my heart I pray for all Beings

May all Beings be happy and have the cause to be happy

May all Beings be free from sufferings and the cause of sufferings

May all Beings have bliss and will not separated from it

and May all Beings have equanimity and be at peace.

FEELING RECIPROCATE

Can one really reciprocate a feeling? Recently I have a friend who told me a story. She was hurt by a friend whom she loves, she said ‘Lian, I can even die for her’. I saw tears in her eyes and I know how hurt she was.

They use to meet every Friday, their families go outing together. My friend took in the children of her friends when she left for a long trip. She supported, not just emotionally but also monetary. She said she did not expect anything in return. I told her ‘you did ask for return because you expect her to do same for you as you have done for her or at least treat you as best friend and priority is for you’. The expectation is subtle, you think it is not there but actually it is there. We are all very human after all. When we treat someone nice, we expect someone to treat us nice and when that did not happened, it turned to sadness, bitterness and ended being very angry.

I have gone through all these. The expectation of friends is ‘FAKE’. People are ‘thick’ because they share common topics of discussion, interest, religion or there is something in them that ‘clicked’. It is affinity. It does not happen to everyone in the same group.

She moves away from the norm group because she does not want to be tagged. She wants to go around her routine quietly. She is religious and it taught her to be humble; it taught her to be compassionate; it taught her wisdom but the other friends did not see it. When the whole group runs after someone who claimed to be religious or know a lot about the religion and speak like one, she saw through him when he asked for expensive items which a religious person does not need. She warned her friends and they all said that she is disrespectful. How do you think one can teach the fools? Even her friend said she is ‘Lay cheh’ in Malay means ‘troublesome’.

All these are not new. I realized that when one pursue a religion. As one advances, one tends to move away from crowd. One tends to spend time with selected people and keep a low profile, going around doing things for one self and others quietly. Not asking for name, fame as well as monetary because enough is happiness. I saw through name and fame. When people use it as a facade, I bow away from it.

Therefore when recently I was hurt by what a friend said, I let it go. There are people who look at things from their own point of views and they believe it is for the benefits of everyone, I do not doubt it. It is a choice to be petty about it or choose to let it go and keep the ‘friendship’. There are people who are sensitive to others, I am not a very sensitive person but I care about people so I am sensitive about them.

When Buddha taught ‘NON ATTACHMENT’, it is a way to move away from being hurt. Anyway remember you cannot owned a person, or his/her mind or thoughts and not even physically. NO ONE belongs to anyone, not even husband and wife nor children. They are individuals with their own Karma.

I wish my friend well and that she finds Peace.

Being accused...

Some years ago, a Boss told me 'Lian, you don't need friends'. I was thinking to myself why she said that. Is she having difficulties in getting friends? Or she is not able to find friends. That was back than when I did not understand the meaning of friends.

There are different types of people in the world. Some are loners, some could not keep a friend, some have friends everywhere, some wanted true friends. Being friends need good affinity. Some friends come by when you are in trouble, see you through your troubles and disappeared. Some become your friends for life.

I got a message from someone who is very special to me, someone I call friend. However I believe our friendship would have been a life time but it takes a big heart to keep a friend. A friend is not infallible, a friend is not one who will not make mistake, a friend is not one who is forever cordial and congenial, a friend is not one who dare not behave or show her feelings when she is bitten by it. A friend dare to behave like this because a friend thought that a friend would understand.

Today when I am being accused of being in the 'mood' for two to three years amused me. NO, how can the facts be so wrong?

I do not want to explain myself to her. People forget why they behave that way so the finger points at another party. It is OK. I can accept this accusation because I accepted the fact that 'nothing is forever'.

When I am down and need a ear, where are you? When I behave like an idiot, did you find out why? When I called you, you were cold. When I emailed you, you were not encouraging. When I dated you, you turned me down and I understand. Now that when I turned you down, you accused me for being in the 'mood' for two to three years now?

Did you know I need someone to listen when I decided to quit my job? Did you know I lost my dearest brother in a car accident and he died so violently a week or so ago. You did not bother to find out why I turned you down and accused me for being in the 'mood'? Yes, I am in a 'mood'...a sad mood.

Yes, you would say that 'Hey, aren't you practicing Buddhism? Why are you behaving this way?' A practising Buddhist understand impermanence and the Law of Cause and Effect. This does not mean that person is a stone without feeling and compassion. If I am not able to feel for the death of a love one, what conditions do I have to practice compassion and Bodhicitta? I do not want to show the world that I had lots of compassion for sentient beings when I cannot even feel for my lost of a brother.

I know I will need to let him go and I have to let him go. How can I make merry when I am in the mood of mourning? Therefore I think the older people are wise when they said 'You will feel pain only when the needle pricks you.'

I am sorry and I think I have the right to choose to say Yes or No to a meeting. I have the right to choose who I want to see.

Now I know why my Boss said I don't need friends. Do you know?

It is not a nice feeling for being rejected, but this is just a meeting for a meal. If you lost track with your friend and did not keep in touch for too long, you will not know what happened. Your friend will also not tell you because you are disinterested.

To people who have friends, value your friends, forgive if you think that person is worth the friendship and everything that happened is a mirror effect.

I expect too much from a friend. After 20 years, I realized I had a friend.

Alamak...I got Tagged

Ha.a.a.a Thanks Cindy. I am honored that you always think of me. I saw this game on others sites but because I do not really link myself so I am always an outsider. Since I got tagged, I will do my part but I may not be able to tag 8 friends...

The rules of this little tag game:

1) Go to your photo files, select the 8th photo folder.

2) Select the 8th photo in that folder.

3) Post that photo along with the story behind it.

4) Then challenge 8 blogging friends to do the same!

So, I will tag the following people...and that's all I have got.

1) Sathira - Breaking Mindset

2) Robin Chan - Robin's Karma

3) Small - Reduced Footprint

Above is the 8th pictures on my 8th Picture Folder. It is a picture of a gigantic fern growing on the top of a tree. I was amazed that it is able to support itself without breaking and I find it beautiful. It is Staghorn Ferns and took the form of a nest. It makes me want to climb up the tree to look what is in it. The scientific name for this fern is Platycerium superbum.

There are around 20,000 species of ferns and Staghorns grow high up on trees and in tropical jungles. Such plants can be found in Asia and in South America. I realized this fern can be replanted. I saw people growing them on coconut husks and tied them to the trunk of a tree and viola! a nice fern decor.

True to its name, they are unique and take the shape of a stag's horns. I am not sure but to me it looks like it is a parasite plant that grows on others and yet they are charming.

This picture is taken by me. I do not know of anyone else who has a nicer picture than this one and I love it. I took it on a jungle walk in Malaysia.

I love nature and I love plants and therefore sharing with you here. We have to thank Cindy for making me do this or else I will not put up this picture to share because I do not know how to write about it.

Hope those that I have tagged will contiue this game with others and it is one way of making friends and sharing.

Growing Up...

How time flies. I ran into an old secondary classmate and the whole story came flooding back into my memory.

I remembered my Mum told me in my growing up years as well as when I started working. She said that if I misbehaved and got myself pregnant, she will not allow me to walk out of the house. She will make sure I crawl out of the house. She said I do not deserve to be treated with respect since I do not know how to respect myself, my body and my family.

Young kids now a day do not know the consequences and seriousness of ‘SEX’ and got themselves into deep water. It brought them tremendous mental stress, shame and guilt. Abortion is a no joke process. I saw an educational video. It showed how abortion was done and I can feel the pain in my lower abdomen. I cried when I saw the fetus being torn apart.. it is a life…it was gruesome..it is murder. I told myself if I am ‘not careful’ and landed in this situation, I will not abort the baby!

I recalled my secondary school days. There were three of us who were best friends and classmates. One Chinese (Me), one Malay (Ani) and one Panjabi (Kuldip). It was ‘hip’ to have a boyfriend so two of us did. Ani with Mus from another class and me with Johnny. Kuldip is Panjabi and her parents were strict on issue like 'boyfriend' so she was the good one among us.

On birthdays, Valentine Days and Christmas Days, we got presents, chocolates and roses from these boys. I recalled we went for a concert arranged by the school. It was late after the show and our boyfriends saw us home.

A few months passed and we realized Ani has put on some weight. She had a tummy and we laughed at her saying she ate too much. One day we were called into the principal’s office. We were asked where did we go after the concert? That was a few months ago but we remembered we went home. Ani was there too and we looked at her with inquiring eyes like “What happened?". We were asked to leave after the interrogations. We waited outside school and when Ani appeared, we rushed up to her and asked “Hey! What’s wrong?”. Ani was silent and we walked home together. Deep in me I knew we were in trouble..but WHAT trouble? Kuldip went home when we reached the crossroad because we all lived in different directions. I continued to walk with Ani. I intended to walk her to her house but halfway to her house, she said “Honey, I am in trouble!. I am telling you but you got to keep it a secret. I will be leaving school soon. My parents will be sending me overseas. I will not be able to contact you and Kuldip again because my parents do not want anyone to know where I am. I am having a baby..and it is his!”. I was overwhelmed! Tears were rolling in my eyes . The thought of losing a friend was a shocked...and she was having a baby. We hugged each other and cried. We bid good-bye and I walked home. Instead, I turned and ran all the way to Kuldip’s house. Her Mum invited me in for a drink and gave me ‘chapatti’ for lunch. We made polite conversation but I was dying to speak to Kuldip alone. Quickly I finished my food and we both went into her bedroom. I told Kuldip what happened! We both sat on the floor speechless and Kuldip was crying. It was too much to just ‘pluck’ a friend away.

The next day we went back to school, Ani did not turn up for class. We knew she was gone. During recess, Mus and Johnny came to see us. Mus was shocked when Ani told him she was leaving school and did not tell him why. In my heart I was thinking ‘Don’t you know what you have done...walau? ‘. Now when I think back, he probably doesn’t. Probably it did not occur to him that he fathered a baby.

After 9 months or more, one day Mus and Johnny came to see me and Kuldip again. We were at different schools because we went on to ’A’ level. Mus said that Ani’s Mum sent a baby to his home and told his parents that the baby was his. They did not want to keep the baby and Ani was not coming back. It turned his whole family chaotic! His Mum and Dad were so upset. They begged to talk to Ani and apologize. They wanted the two kids to get married but Ani’s Mum was adamant about it. Mus searched for Ani high and low and everywhere. He tried all kind of means but he did not reach her. Mus's family has no choice so his Mum took the baby and said that it was hers….instead of father and son, they were brothers! Ani’s Mum did not tell us where was Ani. She just said that Ani will be getting married in a month’s time.

Today, I am in Singapore. Kuldip is married and followed her husband to Australia. Where is Ani?

In life, along the way, we lost things…we lost friends…but we did not lose our memories…of our young days and the happy time we shared! We blundered along the way, hopefully the mistakes we made is a learning point. I pray that life for Ani is a happy one....my dearest friend.

Pain...

A few years had passed but I did not forget the pain a friend had experienced. She is no longer around. I know she did not want to leave. She was only 35.






Pain...
was the day we broke up
It was the day I knew I had cancer
and
I was waiting for death
You were like cancer cells
spreading all over me
In every cells and every part of me

Pain...
was nothing that you can imagine
that I had to leave you
and
I am unwilling to do so
can you imagine every cells
experienced pain
when I thought of you ?

Pain...
every second, every minute
I reminded myself
that whatever there was between us
was over
the immense pain made me wish
that I had the courage to
expire immediately

Pain...
because I did not want to be
a burden to you
and
I can only drugged myself with
liquor to numb myself
temporarily
but
only temporally

Pain...
was to leave you with pain
Many years after
when you remember me
Will you still feel the
heart stinging pain?
Maybe
because I am someone of the past

Pain...
to me was 'I only live Once'
and
'I only love once'
Like a rainbow
it was over in seconds
with pain spreading all
over my body like
cancer cells....

There was no past
no present
and no future....

Good-bye!

Wind beneath my wings

Ouch! I wrote something and I lost it. Isn't it that we lost things along the way, from the time we are born...the first thing we lost is the umbilical cord, a connection to Mum. As time goes on, we lost our pacifier, we lost our smelly pillow. As we grow older, we have friends..... and because of our childishness, we fight and quarrel and eventually lost friends along the way. As we move from schools to schools, we make new friends and lost old friends. We started to lost boy friends, girl friends....etc. However if a friendship is True, no matter how many twists and turns, it remains steady as a rock.



This movie is about 2 girls who met during a vacation and became friends. Many years later they met again. One became a singer and another a lawyer. Unfortunately the lawyer had cancer and before she died she willed her daughter to the singer. It is about friendship, love, bonding and courage. The singer is Bette Meddler and she also acted as the singer.

I was invited to this movie by a girlfriend. She was going through some difficult moments in her life and was contemplating of ending her sufferings. She said to me after the movie " Lian, can you take Michelle and love her like your own if anything happen to me? " I thought about her. We have lost touch since...

Wherever she maybe, I wish her well.

Post dedicated to me....

I am touched by Cindy, my Japan Blogger Friend. So is Breaking Mindset, my Malaysia Blogger Friend and Reduce Footprints, my American Blogger Friend. All four of us are from different countries but we are Netizens. Did I forget to say...Lian is from Singapore?

All four of us blogged with different Theme however we 'stumbled' upon each other by affinity's hands. To be able to communicate, maintain communication and visit each other when time permits is precious.

My blog is postings of whatever I fancy and when it comes to mind. As you can see, it is diverse and yet there is a tint of religious upbringing in my posts. Cindy's is about her life in Japan and hers is fun. Reduce Footprints is a green lady. 'Walk softly... and leave no footprints ' message attracted me. We always kick up a fuss and ignore the environment. Breaking Mindset has an encouraging blog. So positive...and I hope I can break my 'stick in the mud' thinking.

Cindy, I am copying your message to me and putting it here. I want to archive it because you are the first person who dedicated a post to me.
*****
I’m Lovin’ It
Posted by lilrascal on Saturday, July 25th 2009

Pardon me for using the familiar lines from my favorite chain stores, but that was when I was actually eating the burgers when I got a message from my dear friend, Lian.

Let me show my appreciation for the award that she has decided to give! This is kind of cool, since I admit this is my first award ever, since I started blogging (if blogging in silence for a year without the knowledge of other people counts too) in this cyber space where some of you people haven’t actually meet me in person!

In fact, Lian is my blogger friend whom I haven’t met before too. Imagine having to make sweet friends like her in this cyber world knowing that they are here for you, reading what you have to say, whether you’re bragging or you’re serious about your thoughts. Believe me, regardless of the fact that some people will tell you that there are dangerous scams out there wanted to trick you by knowing you first online (I believe that mostly fall in the dating category), I sometimes have the urge to meet all these great blogging friends of mine just to show how grateful I am for having them around!

So here’s to my friend, Lian for giving me the award. And of course, I would like to give her the same one in return too. But no fun doing the same thing again (I’m sure you’ll get my message here, Lian). So I’ll have to pass on this to some of you friends out there too, to show my gratitude:

========= Begin copy =========

This is the easiest and the fastest way to:
-Make your Authority Technorati explode.
- Increase your Google Page Rank
- Get more traffic to your blog.
- Makes more new friends.
The rules is very simple. Just follow the lines below:
- Start copy from “Begin Copy” until “End Copy” to your blog.
- Put your own blog name and link.
- Tag your friends as much as you can.

My blog is “Thought of the Day” and my link url is: “http://lilrascal.co.cc”
I would like to pass on this Award to my following favorite bloggers:

1) DaRK FoReST - http://jqsecretforest.blogspot.com/
2) Holiday With Mama – http://www.holidaywithmama.com/
3) Simple White Tofu – http://pikeydude.blogspot.com/
4) Urutora No Hi – http://urutoranohihi.blogspot.com/
5) 莲@红尘 – http://www.padmaland.blogspot.com/

If I have forgotten to mention some of you, please also feel free to grab this Award and pass it to anyone even if they’ve already received it.
========= End copy =========

Ahh… I know. I’ll just pass it on to Lian’s another blog (grin). Well, thanks for stopping by all the while and you got my back.

Cindy, I never thought of giving it to 莲@红尘. Now she has one too...o. thanks to you.

A gift....

Below are some of my reflections. This came about when I was sending my brother to hospital as my sister is having a check-up. He is going through some betrayers by friends and he is caught in the web of 'What did I do wrong?'

As a sister, I told him “I wanted to give both you and Judy (my sister) a gift. All worldly things will never give you permanent happiness. That is why I enrolled the both of you in a Dharma Class. Only the Dharma will lead you out of 'Why' and finally attain Enlightenment. This is what I wish for you both and that is why I attend class with you both". I wish this for all my readers who believe....

No one is an island by himself. Even on a deserted island, beautiful flowers, plants and birds live there. All you need to do is to sieve through to find them.

Even in the hardest desert, you will still find water and vegetation. Do not despair, no one is alone, you just have to search with Wisdom.

Friends' betrayer is as good a taking a knife and stabs it right into my heart. I'll survive, without anger but thank them for the wisdom.

After all the anger and questioning of 'WHY', I realized it is my own doing. I forgive myself and understand the nature of raising and falling.

Meditation is not sitting for hours, it is the minutes you are fully focus. It is taming the MM (Monkey Mind).

Fear comes from Insecurity. If Change is the Universal Truth, what is there to Fear?

You should Fear your own Karma, and not GOD - For GOD is kind.


Why do we need a religion? Think about it...

Does Killing make one happy? Than why the Killer and the Killed are not laughing?

The highest gift one can give to a love one is 'Dharma'. The Truth is Universal, your wealth and material gains are not.

You bring to Death your merits, both Good and Bad.

Any friendship with a condition is not a friendship.

I beg my friends to understand me - but I don't even understand myself!

It is all 'Said' but not 'Done'.

When looking at the mirror, what do you see?

What is practicing Buddha's way? When you start complaining about your friends when they are not what you expect them to be.

Make me better if I am worst...or leave me alone to rot?

There is fragrance in a cup of tea? Where did the fragrance comes from?

It is OK to have defilements; at least you admit you have. You have to work on it.

SO much for now... and thanks for coming to my Blog.

Cheers
From Lian莲

INTENSITY.....my word of the day!

Today is not a good day for me. My heart is bleeding not 'Romeo is bleeding' of Bon Jovi's 'Always'. I think my blood pressure has shot up to at least 180 degree. I told myself to remain calm.

My staff prepared macaroni for me. She heated it up and put it in front of me but I lost my appetite. The fragrance of the chicken and the soup is tasteless. She warned me that there are chili paddies but I did not feel the burnt. She came by and asked me again whether the food is OK and I said 'Yes'. I did not want to hurt someone who has so kindly thought of me when she is preparing food in the morning. I am sorry.

Being a frank and opened person is not an advantage. People are just too sensitive. People like me are too tense to be associated with. Openness is not a virtue. Frankness is not seen as sincerity. Anyway who wants sincerity? The word should be hypocrite or sound better EQ.

Recently my niece posted something on hypocrisy. I kind of agree with her although there is a fine line between hypocrisy and EQ. We just want to be congenial to everyone so we just agree to be agreeable.

When we do not like someone, we pretend to be cordial in front of them. When we hate to do something, we have to agree to appear to be agreeable. When we hate someone, we pretend everything is fine but in our hearts we are saying ' Get the hell out of my life'. When we have no desire to be in the company of someone, we pretend to say 'yes' when we are asked. Not me, I am a rebel.

Loyalty is dead. Kindness is also dead. People are selfish. They only think of themselves. They just want you to agree with them and if you don't you are outcasts. People do not speak what is in their mind, they beat around the bush. It is Live and Lets Live, in corporate world it is You Scratch my Back and I Scratch Yours!

I am blamed for being unreasonable. I am blamed for upsetting some calm mind to the extend that the Mind lost focus on work. Now I lost my mind as well. I am blamed for ' I cannot understand WHY you are so intense and reacted that way'.... I cannot understand....I cannot understand... I cannot understand!!!!

I just kicked myself in the face. For all my actions and verbal actions...I always explained myself. I regretted doing so. Because people only Listen, they do not Hear. They are so full of themselves....do not bother to try and understand. They only know 'I am Hurt'...but not 'I have hurt you'.

How far can a person go...if a person do not know how to put aside work....and worries?

I need to throw flowers and flower garlands over myself...for being the best Hypocrite around. When I am down with worries over my parents’ illness, I have to go to work with a 'sane' mind. I have to concentrate, smile, focus, work....the company should not suffer because I got problems. When I am down with financial problems, I go to work with a smile. I owed the company and they pay me the salary to work and not bring my problems to work. I thought of all kinds of ways out of my financial problems....at one time I am thinking of selling myself, it did not happen. I found myself a job...when I finish at 6pm, I rushed off to another job that starts at 7.30pm. It finished at 12 midnight and by the time I reached home and bathed and sleep, what time is it? I did not shortchanged the company and blamed it on anyone for my problems. When I don't have a house to stay as the Owner wanted the place and we have no money, I did not shortchange the company with my problems. WHY should I be blamed when Mind cannot focus?

I have always been sincere, considerate and think for others. I always standby people when they are angry with something, unhappy with something and upset with something. What did I get? I am feeling like a FOOL! I never asked for gratitude.... GRATITUDE is dead long ago. I just asked to be treated FAIRLY....fairly is also dead. It is only people you care about that you treat them fairly. The funny thing is Mind picked my problem to the extend that I am wrong.....and....the excuse....I want to be happy. The Mind forgets that when it is upset....who standby? Mind forgets...you know why Mind forgets - simple answer lah!

The best part is Mind does not know what upset me? THAT IS KILLING ME....Oh My Dear God... I KNOW NOW... I DEFINITELY KNOW...MY SCORE IS 'ZERO'.

I KNOW I AM AN IDIOT! No need to tell me. I tell myself. I asked for it...not the game show...but in true life.

So finally I ACCEPTED the facts. I dig my grave and I better sleep in it myself. After all some innocent people may falls in so better I fall in. The reason because I KAY POH! Next time anyone...before you KAY POH, think twice!

My reputation is probably BAD! News probably gets around to all LONG AGO - from A to Z. That I am an extremist. That I torture people by upsetting them. They want peace and happiness. I am Creator of Unhappiness....

People take advantage of kindness. Friends, relatives and strangers alike. Too bad, I am not MISS CONGENIALITY! I am not running for Miss World contest. I do not need to collect VOTES.

So, you either accept me for what I am.... OR...stay away!

.....VENTING...IS THE WORD OF THE DAY!

BEAUTY…imperfection!

It was said “Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder”… this is ever so true. We saw many Imperfect People…but their Hearts are so Perfect. We saw so many Perfect People but their perfectness are but Skin Deep.

So what is Beauty…Beautiful? I have never considered myself anything near to the word Beauty or Beautiful. It is in every girl’s dreams to be a Beauty or Beautiful. Beautiful people always get their ways around, even when they are mean, shallow and scheming. Everyone likes Beauty…their Eyes can only see that far and not beyond. Be it Men or Women…they saw what they want to see.

Cut all the craps about self-esteemed, about confident and being yourself. When you are made to feel and are being compared…what do you think? Especially girls…we are vain and we are born with the right to be Vain. From very young age we know that we have to have a family with background, we have to have brains, we have to have beauty, we have to have love, we have to have all the things we want to have. We know that if we are not a Beauty, we should at least have brain. We set a standard for ourselves. Or is it the cruel world, with all the FAKE expectations and we run after it so that we think by being Perfect, we will not be denied of all the FUN the world can offer.

I am not a Beauty, neither am I ‘brainless’ and my brain may not be as brainy as some. I am as hard working and honest as the person next to me…so what? Where do I go and what do I get? Lucky for me I am a thick-skin. I do not have inferiority-complex. I have friends who ran off to fake everything that she is borne with – even her virginity! FOR? Her self-esteemed? To get what she wants? To get the so called High Society Man who can provide for her Vanity? For LOVE? For Status? For MONEY?

It is the cruel environment we live in. Everyone is so competitive. It is drilled into us that we have to be the best - best in everything. HOW MANY ‘BEST’ CAN THERE BE IN THIS WORLD? It will be nice if everyone is the BEST. So if everyone is the BEST, who is going to be the BEST ‘BEST’…and it goes on!!!!

I have lived in this cruel world long enough to ‘suffer’ all the barbs. I have also learned to accept myself for what I am long ago. Too bad if I am not a Beauty to you, you did not lose anything neither do I. I am not the most outstanding staff you wanted, however I am an honest one – no one will bother to find out BUT I give myself a thumb-up! I am not an easy to get along person, too bad. Blame the environment for making a girl grows needles all over her like a porcupine and she needs it to protect herself and not HARM others.

Given the politics in the working world, what sort of sufferings, belittling, cruel and demeaning outbursts that I have not faced? It could be so bad that you doubt your self-esteem? It hurts and hurts like hell! I got over it and ‘what was said than is history now. HOW can I please everyone? HOW can I make everyone like me? I don’t like everyone too. I only like some because I think they are nice to me. AM I also not categorizing? WHO am I suppose to prove to that everything I do is flawless? Proper? Intelligent?....there is no PERFECT HUMAN BEING! Am I asking a bit too much of myself? WHY do I need to compete with everyone or show everyone that I am GOOD? I never trust reassurance from others, most of the time what is said is never delivered.

If I allowed all the above to fill my LIFE, I will feel that I have wasted my existence in this lifetime. I came here with a purpose. I came to learn many lessons - some happy, some sad, some painful, some joy and all that this Samsara has to offer. IF I let myself go into Depression, Depression is also a lesson I need to learn. WHAT got me into Depression? Am I asking too much of myself? If I have given my best shot, I will not leave to regret. My self worthiness, is that the business of others? There are people who are fond of running people down to make themselves look GREAT. Anyway you ONLY LIVE ONCE… nothing to do with James Bond! As long as you touch your heart, you may not be that GOOD, neither are you that BAD…after all we are just HUMAN. My concept is Always maintain a Good HEART!

Actually this post is for someone dear to me. Instead of looking around at what people said ‘About Me’, what people ‘Think About Me’, what ‘Untruthful Things said about me’ – IT IS THEIR BRAIN, THEIR MOUTH AND THEIR SINS! What has that got to do with me? SNAP! Out of caring too much about what people says. I got my fair share. AT THE END OF THE DAY, I am going to face my Karma….or you would say ‘I have to face GOD'.

Remember, we LOVE you OR probably I should not speak for ‘WE’….AT LEAST, I LOVE YOU! and I know my Fook Kokor too! Do not place your happiness and self worthiness in the hands of others. I SAID this one million and one time on my Blog, to Alice, Appleteas and now to YOU, my dear!

You know what we have gone through as kids? You know how we struggle to be where we are today? You know and hear my stories? You are one of US, and you are definitely NOT WEAK!

I have no chance to go into Depression. I have no time to go into Depression. I have no time even to pity myself, cry for myself (to think about it), I have no time for SELF EGO (I have none as I lived in a borrowed body, there is no ME) and what IF I go into all that? Who is going to look after my parents? If I go MAD, anyone is going to PITY me? SO why must I GO Mad? Who would be hurt if anything happen to me? My Parents and siblings. Not even friends…because as time goes by, what am I to them? They will also forget me and maybe occasionally remember that ‘SILLY’ Me!

LET IT GO!!! I am so sorry that you grew up in an insecure surroundings, BUT me too, you know? If you allow people to BULLY you, they surely will. If you allow people to treat you like a DOORMAT, you invited it. You need not hurt others BUT you can speak up for yourself. If the work environment is not conducive, change. Changes may create some uneasiness, I am facing that too… but WHY let yourself go CRAZY? You have a choice. You still have Dad to fall back on. You can afford to take a break and your family does not need you for bread and butter. Mine do.

The Unique You, have nothing to do with Perfection. Why must you be a perfectionist and act like one for the eyes of others? The greatest men on Earth are/were not perfect…. WHO ARE YOU? Just live any honest existence, fulfill you duty, smell the flowers, touch the tree, smile at the morning dew hanging on a leave waiting to fall onto the ground. Look at the sky, see the ever changing clouds, feel the wind on your face and isn’t that good. Sit around at Malls, along the streets and in the Parks – look at people, look at the children, the young, the old and those on wheelchairs – Do you think they are Perfect? Do you think that they do not have any sufferings? Whether you are Perfect or Imperfect, in the eyes of others, they have their measuring tapes. Can you meet all that? Do you have to meet any for a matter of fact?

I am 100% an IMPERFECT PERSON with so many flaws. As a daughter, as a sister, as a staff, as a friend, as a neighbor, as Buddhist devotee, as a public, as a Global citizen and now a netizen – I laugh at myself and I give myself, very gently a 50% marking ONLY.

So my Dear, your Aunt, so full of her righteousness, so full of zeal, full of anger, full of warm, full of love…never ever think that I need to live up to the expectations of anyone. I probably will put myself through liposuctions to get fats out of my body, re-shaped my face, give myself a high nose, kissable lips, right size boobs…for? Better still if I can change my brain, change my status in society, become the Boss of those who bullied me BUT can I make everyone like me?

YOU ACCEPT ME FOR WHAT I AM! IT is also OK if you do not love me. It is OK if you want to gossips and talk bad about me. It is OK if you doubt my sincerity. It is OK if you doubt my ability…. The most important, I DO NOT DOUBT MYSELF! PLEASE do not doubt yourself.

Hope the message got through to you. It is such a pity that you need to put yourself in the hands of others and went into DEPRESSIONS because of all these unworthy people! If the LIEW blood flows in you, you should from now ON, stand tall! We do not need you to be Mrs President, nor Mrs Prime Minister, nor Ms World, nor some Great names – we do not belong to that league. We just want you to be yourself, have a healthy body and mind, it does not matter what Religion you follow – JUST BE YOU. Do not expect Life to be gentle and kind – BUT you can expect LIFE to teach you a few lessons and when you look back when you are 60s, will you laugh?

Do you know why I GO into all these words here? I just want to tell you that this World is IMPERFECT and IMPERFECTION in the eyes of artists is BEAUTY!

CHOPED, SIGNED, SEALED and DELIVERED…TO PP!

For Appleteas...

I visited your blog today. My purpose is to send Season Greetings to you. After reading your post, I realized that I have overlooked you. Sorry for being insensitive.

You have been very brave. You have been very considerate and supportive. Since you said my blog is 'medicine' to you, now I am giving you another dose.

Appleteas, your blog belongs to you. It is a place created to put down your feelings. You have the right to post happy things when you are happy and say it when you are not. When you said that you are not happy and all these while you pretended to be happy pains my heart. You did it because you do not want us to worry about you. That is very sweet of you. Your family have caused you much pain. You have been enduring and that is why you have a blog..and that is to release stress. It defeats the purpose if you no longer can do so. You need not hide your feelings.

On my blog, I say all I want to say. I have the right to my opinion. I am human, I make mistake, I can be hurt, I have grievances, I want to voice my happiness and I want to voice my unhappiness. I do not want to hide. I know I have family members reading it as well as friends too. I want them to know how I feel. I am not GOD and I am not infallible. They either accept me for what I am or if they think that I am not worth being a friend, a sister, as sister-in-law, an aunty... I am fine. If being associated I need to hide my feeling, that is not me. I communicate my feelings and I never hide. I never avoid problems and I will talk about it and sort it out and clear the misgivings. I accepted the fact that not everyone can face a problem head on. To me, there is no forgiving or unforgiving.

Recently I am hurt both physically and emotionally by people from 'bloodline'. There are so many incidents in a short span of 3 months. I had an accident recently and I hit my chest on my driving wheel because I brake to avoid a collision with a car in front of me, he already hit another car in front. None in 'bloodline' asked. I posted it on the blog and Alice and family asked, my friends asked, 丘妈妈 and my cyber friends too - so does this speaks volumes?

I believe in the spirit of Christmas. It is the time of the year for Joy, Peace, Amendment and Thanksgiving. However I started with these thoughts and went about buying gifts but now it is meaningless. Wishing me a blessed Christmas… how blessed can I be and blessed by who? Instead of praying for me, pray so that you see light in your heart. Christmas is a few days away. I do not pretend it is Merry... not for me. A person can only be happy and blessed when the person is at peace with himself and others.

I have not washed dirty linens in public but I supposed these are washed behind my back. How many are affected by the ‘bad odor’? I already know. I am accused of being sensitive so if I am not told and I have to guess – am I sensitive? Therefore I decided I better wash it up here and not behind the back of anyone. I am doing it with compassion. After this, I am letting it go……

To Ed, thank you. I am sorry I soiled your Armani shirt. Thank you for giving me a shoulder to cry on and I shall buy you a new one.

To Alice and Philip, thank you for giving me a roof above my head, for all the herbs and soup and food, care and love so sincerely.

To Junice and Family, thank you for having me with you and giving me the warm of a family. I love MingQian so much and he gives me so much joy.

To Joo, thank you for keeping me company on the anniversary of my mother’s death. You do not know how much it meant to me during this period when I am so hurt and alone.

To HwaLing – I got lots to thank for. Although you never asked what is wrong with me, you gave me a family to spend Winter Solstice so that I am not alone on such day of family reunion.

To SuiHunn, thank you for your unfailing believe in me.

To all my Gurus and Teachers – Kalachakra timely arrival showed me the way out.

To all my protectors – thank you for the punishments. Thank you for keeping at bay all harms and let me learn from all hurts. Not to be bitter but with compassion and love.

To all my readers and visitors, thank you for making my blog valuable.

I may not be a Christian but I know the message of Christmas. Merry Christmas everyone...