It's a long long journey...

Life is a Journey I undertakes
Many a times along the way
I am confused and lost but
although the journey is long
at the end I will see
clear sky and rainbow

Life journey needs one to be strong
to believe and never give up
If I fall, I will pick up and go again
At times there are walls and
many a times I knocked against it
It is painful and
I bleed but not to death
I know I need to
drag this tired body
to live it to the fullest!

Although the Journey is empty
So am I, and
all these feelings, but I am
fool enough to think
this is all for real
I am dreaming in my slumber
and until I wake up
from this Journey.....

Here is the song JOURNEY. I like the lyrics, the music and the beautiful voice behind it. In this instant it is Angela Zhang but the original singer is Corrine May. Everyone loves a fairy tale and as you listen and watch the video, it tells you a love story about Dolphin Bay!

Attachment...

Once we take form in our mother’s womb, the Attachment started. It is our first as we are attach to Mum by umbilical cord. We felt what Mum’s feel…hot, cold, hunger, happiness and sadness. It is important that Mum keep a balance mood, eat properly and have to be very careful as we are very fragile.

When we come into this World, the connection with Mum via the umbilical cord is served. This Attachment continues and it is even more intense. We need Mum and we are attached to Mum via her breast for milk, her loving care for warm and her attention to make sure we are well. Dad comes into the picture and he started rocking us, changed our diapers, together with Mum he bathe us…and additional Attachment. Now we have our own bed, bolster, pillow, milk bottle, pacifier, bowl, plates, tumblers..OURS…OURS…OURS. If we lost any of those, we will throw a tantrum.

As we grew, we are jealous when the family has additional member i.e brother and sisters. This is because of Attachment and siblings competition start. All these are because we need our parents’ attention. As we grew older, we start to have things we called our Own. Some, we willingly share, some we cannot share. The reason for not able to share is due to Attachment, because it is mine and why must I share. This so call MINE, change our relationship with our parents, siblings, friends, husbands, wives and people around us. Because of ATTACHMENT, we are short fused. You are stepping on my toes, you are crossing over to my turf, you are taking away what is MINE, we become emotional, we felt anger, we are confused and we get mad at everything and anything.

I believe you never think that the simple word – ATTACHMENT can give rise to both happiness and sadness. We are attached to a person, he became YOUR husband/wife. It is Attachment that what is YOURS cannot betray you, cannot do things that are not to your favor, or make you angry. If this Attachment changed, you become hysterical, you harm yourself or to the extend you take your own life.

You are so much in love, but love changes once you are married. It does not mean that the other party don’t love you anymore but because love have gone one level up – it is responsibilities and giving you a good and safe home. There are people who wants to hang on the love and complain about every little thing and like to compare with other couples around. Each Karma is not the same. DO not embarrasse your husbands/wives by talking bad about them, after all you pick them. There are also siblings who fight for parents, properties. Money is more important than blood. They forget they cannot bring money to the grave and what is the harm of sharing? It is because of all these Attachment that we are not aware of, we let it ruined our lives. There are people who are detached. Not that they do not have feelings but they know that things changes.

In this World, look around you, everything is Attachment. Can you give away, yes, only things that you don’t want. Will you give someone something that you felt you will have to spend money on it? Yes and No, it depends on that person standing with you. You will never give stranger anything worthy, even worst when it comes to money.

Recently I read in the newspaper about a maid who inherited S$6 millions from her employers, not including all his properties in areas like Orchard Road. I rejoice at the merit of this maid. She has taken good care of her employer and his mother and they have left her all their savings. You will wonder that the maid struck a pot of gold. NO, she have put in hard work and sincerely looked after her employers. Nothing comes free. It takes a big heart to give and it takes even a bigger heart to receive because if one becomes attached to what is given, it is no more a joy but a burden.

I always remember I will die one day. I know that I cannot take all these with me. I need to give it away and yet I find it difficult to let go. I am trying and learning. I do not want to accumulate any more things. We buy things not that we need it, we simply collect and yet we find it so difficult to give it to charity. There are people who said …”this is my hard earn money, why should I give it to Charity?” The finer picture means we are attached to things we call our own.

The day that we will have no choice but to let go of Attachment is the day we die.

Wise saying…”You come with nothing, You go with nothing”.

Quiet your Thoughts....

Recently I was watching my mind. I am amazed that although I am alone, my Mind actually is having conversation by itself. NO, I am not mad!

At time people pass remarks about friends who are quiet and do not talk much. These people are viewed as introverts. Are these people really quiet? You will be surprised if you can see their minds. Although they are quiet but many thoughts go through their ‘Heads’ and at such speed that you lost track. There is no sequence of thoughts and they jump around like monkey. For example you are driving and suddenly you asked yourself “Did I lock my home door?”, the next thing you will think “Oh! I have an appointment this evening, nearly forget about it”, and followed by “ I need to make a phone call to Mum”….it goes on and never ending and the most amazing…the Thoughts have no link to each other at all.

Look at it this way, you are alone with no one around you, who are you having a conversation with? You will say “ they are just my Thoughts”…which is true. BUT why are we so messy up there? Do you know your Mind is like your monitor Your monitor is a blank screen if you do not write on it…but if you do, all these are your Thoughts, right? Whether you write a business letter, send an email to a friend, talk on messenger – you can only do so when your Thoughts are formulated, and your Mind is the platform for it to manifest.

Thoughts, can be both good and bad. Good and Bad is a very fine line…and you cross over when provoke or you stay happy if it is pleasant to your senses. Therefore your Mind is a place where all your Thoughts take shapes. Movie Directors, where do they get ideas? Writers/ Authors, where do they get such interesting stories to tell that they become movies? People who lie, where are all these lies formulated…they give Thoughts as to how to lie so that it is convincing.

We give in to our thoughts most of the time. We do not control it and let it run loose. That is why people say “You one screw loose, iszit?” – meaning you have crazy Thoughts. People who are depressed hear voices in their heads, people who are stressed talk to themselves knowingly or unknowingly, lunatics has all kind of imaginations which are Thoughts and they get violent when the Thoughts get violent.

Do you know that you can use your Thoughts to manifest things that you want? People are writing books on positive thinking and make tons of monies, all the self-improvement books, self-motivation books – what are they telling you – they are actually telling you how to work your Thoughts to get what you wanted.

We get so complicated because we let our Thoughts run loose. When we are happy, when we are sad, when we are ditched, when we strike a lottery, when we see something we want – the Thought is never satisfied and in its vocabulary, there is no ‘STOP’! Thoughts also fueled all your EMOTIONS. When you see two person whispering to each other, the next minute you think “They are talking about Me”. Therefore do not let your Thoughts run WILD. So how to curb it?

MEDITATION…is the method but not without hard work. When you sit down, close your eyes and say you are meditating…are you? You start by staying FOCUS, very soon your Thoughts will run. You try to focus on your breathing, your Thoughts run…and worst, you run after it. What do I mean? Meaning your Thought say “I am free this evening”. It could have stopped there…but…you run after it by continuing …”I can invite Lian out for dinner and maybe catch a movie”…and…on…and…on…OH! Aren’t you suppose to focus and meditate? You see what I mean?

Quiet your Thoughts doesn’t mean you stop thinking or you don’t think. I don’t think anyone can stop the Thoughts. We have been gathering rubbish by the five senses and once captured is stored in an unlimited storage space and you cannot erase them. Believe me, all the unpleasant thoughts will pop up when you least expected it. However all the information, whether operating or information will pop up when you need it. Did you ever wonder why you know how to do certain thing, recite certain mantra and some you just have to do it a few times and you can rattle off without looking at the book?

Therefore the only method is to watch it, don’t follow…just watch. It will start with plenty of Thoughts flowing in and out your Head. When you acknowledge it and not follow, it will die down, it will get lesser. These Thoughts are SHY and when they know YOU are watching them, they become ‘tamed’.

I tried once by not allowing any thoughts into my Head and you know what happened? I cannot remember anything. It is frightening! I need to remember how to drive a car, I have to remember what I did just…and without THOUGHTS, one is like a zombie! SO, you need to have thoughts flows but DO NOT FOLLOW. Things happened because it needs two hands to clap, SO watch and know BUT don’t clap.

Remember Thoughts are past experiences. It has no foundation and it is History. We always let our Thoughts make things seems like it is real, it is not. When I say this WORLD is woven by our Thoughts, I am sure it is true...what say you?

Feedjit Post Ranking...

Wise Sayings...My Thoughts

I have many visitors that dropped by and reading various postings about the said topics. It is both encouraging and giving thoughts to subject or topic which maybe troubling them at that point of time or serve as information. Here are some more to share. All these, may sounds familiar but it is the understanding of Lian at this point. It maybe superfluous as you may think, given time all these will manifest in deeper understanding. I can only grow one step at a time or I may stand still at a point...it depends on the arising of affinity.

Who Am I...

Did you ever think..."Who Am I"? You will probably say 'Lian'. So this physical mass standing in front of you is Lian. You notice her attributes, her appearance, her abilities, the way she dresses, she walks and talks and the way she carries herself. You either like her or dislike or remain indifferent.

BUT, again take a look at yourself..."who are you"? The above same apply. Lets put it this way...you start to take yourself apart...your hair, your skull, the skin of the skull, your eye balls, your whole body skin (take it out like a rubber suit), flesh, muscles, organs, blood, secretions, blood vessels...AND ask yourself "which part is ME". Is your hair you? Are your organs you? Is your skin you?. NO, they are only a part of you. There cannot be missing parts or you are dead or crippled and not the "Wholesome" Being running around partying. So when you lay out all these parts, they do not move on its own, so who moves them? Is it the Heart? You have taken out your heart as in that piece of flesh/organ so obviously it is not that piece of thing. If you call all these YOU, you should be able to control it - let it stay young and not age, stay beautiful/handsome and live a long long life - can you? NO, you can't. So you realized that all these parts that made you decay and once it stops functioning...where are YOU?

SO who controls all the these parts and make it useful? To me, all these parts are just APPLICATIONS and there is a MAIN somewhere that makes it works. On and off this MAIN malfunction and you fall sick. On and off the parts in this MAIN failed and no replacement can be found, so you get all kind of sickness and gradually die. SO, who is the MAIN? Can you make friend with it, bribe it or treat it like a King so that it stays the way you want to?

To me, this MAIN is CONDITION! Everything, good or bad take shapes when the CONDITION is right. Things happened for a reason. The YOU appear here in the Human Realm and not Animal, Hell or Hungry Ghosts because the CONDITION for YOU to be a Human arises. YOU will continue to transit to all the other unfavorable realms when the CONDITION arise. Everyone wants to be happy and only in the Human Realm than can you distinguish what are the various training that will give rise to a good and healthy CONDITION that will send you to a happy realm.

Unfortunately, we pay too much attention to our APPLICATIONS and think that it is ME. Using these APPLICATIONS we did lots of good or lots of bad or mixed Good/Bad and what fueled all these - EMOTIONS. In our life, we roller-coasters with our EMOTIONS. We have all these EMOTIONS because we did not curb it, we fan it and let it rages on.

There are people who believe - 'I do not believe in After Life, so make the most of it to feed my DESIRE and EGO'.

There are those who believe in an After Life but think 'I don't know what happen in the next life, so now I got the POWER, EGO and the ME, so why not fan it to the fullest. Going to Heaven or Hell is something beyond my VIEW'.

There are those that know and believe and therefore embrace a RELIGION. And again, not everyone that has a RELIGION is a holy man. Especially those who leads. They can be an ANGEL or a DEVIL is disguise. DO WE SEE? NO! WHY? because we have so many defilement in US...actually WE SEE WHAT WE WANT TO SEE. Even if Buddha stands in front of you now, do you believe?

Therefore, REJOICE that you have ABLE APPLICATIONS, a good MAIN because you have created GOOD CONDITION.

There is a wise saying

WHAT YOU ARE TODAY, IS WHAT YOU HAVE DONE IN THE PAST....AND...WHAT YOU DO TODAY, WILL SHOW YOU WHAT YOU WILL BE IN FUTURE. You have a choice!

HIT & RUN...Irresponsible motorist!

Two days ago, there was a Hit & Run incident just outside my block of flat. I wondered what is the hurry for some motorists, why are they so impatience, so irresponsible and what are they trying to prove? Why can't they drive with care, why are they so careless about their own life and that of others? What do they get with a one minute different to destination. Did they think that they may not even get there at all?

The most unforgivable are HIT & RUN motorists. They knew they made a mistake and a darn grievance mistake. They sped and think that they are heroes...but when they hit someone and run...what sort of shit is that? It goes to see someone's character and I think the Law should not let these people off lightly. If they are scared like shit...in the first place why let the incident happened? Talking about considerate motorists, they aren't many. You just have to wait at any traffic lights, any filter lanes, any highways, any multi-storey car parks and you spot them any time. Did these idiots who hit others ever think that there are still chances of survival if they stopped, called the police or ambulance? They think they can run away? Too bad, the one that happened at my block got caught by motorcyclists who gave chase. This guy should go to jail, canned by rottan and band from driving forever! By the way, I learnt that the girl who was hit passed away yesterday and she was a university student. May she rest in peace (I felt pain for her parents).

Motorists have no patience for pedestrians; motorists have no patience for other motorists; motorists have no patience for motorcyclists and any other thing that get in their ways. The prominent KAISU attitude just spew everywhere in Singapore. The bigger vehicles bullied the smaller ones - big cement trucks dare you to hit them or you give way to them, the lorries dare you to hit them and die if you dare, the container trailers, any vehicles that are bigger than you...they challenge you to try and die. Well motorists and motorists are the same - first class cars like Lexus, BMW, Mercedes and anything that is FIRST...they have to run in front of you. People who cannot afford to drive first class cars, challenged others and see if you can zoom faster...careless about your life because he believes "I will never die and I can drive like Shoe Marker!'. Its all sucks! The motor cyclists...they think that they are slim and can squeezed any where. They zipped in and out and careless about you...and they challenged you to hit them as well and when you do, they surely die!

Pedestrians are also the worst of the lots too. Not that their mothers or teachers did not teach them "Look left, look right, look left again and when there are no cars, cross the road". I swear under my breath many times with people reading their hand phones, sending messages and crossing the roads like their grandfathers owned them. These people know no DANGER!, another group of idiots who think they live forever. They do not know what it meant to be 'TOO LATE'. They also forget that for their safety, there are traffic lights BUT again motorists and pedestrians are BLIND to traffic lights. Pedestrians forget what is a RED man and a GREEN man. Motorists?...once the light turns GREEN, I must 'chong' first...they forget that there maybe people still crossing the road.

OMG, I can go on forever. With a little patience, a little concern, a little respect for others lives...the road is a happier place. ARE YOU SUCH DRIVER? DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WITH REMORSE AND REGRET WHEN SOMEONE DIED UNDER YOUR WHEELS? If you are, my suggestion is "You Better Wake Up".

Here is a HIT & RUN caught on tape. It pains my heart to see it. DON'T be the one who HIT or the one who is DEAD, please!

Ole...ole...ole.e.ee....SPAIN

The world long waited Football World Cup 2010 came to an end last night or should I say this morning - 12.7.10.

Many have been waiting, many speculated, many win monies and many more lost monies in betting. Football at national level is no more just a game but the winning is seen as National pride. Somehow I wonder why countries took it so serious that they need to band their teams from playing when they lost the game.

I am no football fan. I pay a little attention to this game during school days when my class boys who were divided into two groups - The Footballers and the Basketballers. I cannot understand why a bunch of boys running in the big field, chasing after a ball and everyone was so hysterical when someone kicked the ball into a net. Of course, the one who did was a star and girls went gaga over them. Then in school, this is not a gamble and we bet and in kind. It is gambling unknowingly because we have to buy treats for those who win.

When I started working and got a boy friend, I learnt a little more and took an interest. (It is so true that when you are near the black, you got stained as well.) I sat through games with him. He bet games with friends and won some, lost some but all for the fun of it. At times, he got so caught up and he became angry, moody and I cannot understand why he was so heated up because of a game. By the way, do you know who are the world top richest football clubs? According to FORBES, as per the chart, England had 7 clubs, followed by Germany and others…

My brother asked me last night before the game of whom do I thought would win. Actually I have not been following the game but kept an ear to the ground so that I know what was going on, after all it was a World Event. I normally picked the one that come to mind first…so when he asked…I said SPAIN! He said Spain never win the cup before. We were all geared up and excited…nothing serious just ‘makan’ betting between siblings and I WON!

Being Asian, we kudos all the Asian Teams that played in World Cup this year. The Koreans and Japanese were commendable in their techniques. We are waiting patiently to see when China will take the World Cup. Maybe a match played in China will command more spectators and will be more spectacular!

All the South American teams were out, even Brazil so no chance for all the beauties to run naked. As for SPAIN, congratulations! …but still I cannot imagine how Netherlands did not even get one ball. It is true, the ball is around and it was anybody games!

Accepting Buddhism....

My selections of wise teachings. Maybe a little serious, however it is something I like to share and at the same time remind myself...Sadhu...Sadhu...Sadhu.

1) Before anyone can accept a teaching, the most important is RESPECT, respect for the Teacher.

2) Choosing a Teacher, I accord it to affinity. I picked Buddhism and nothing else. It is not this life time but many life times I have been doing this activity and will continue to do so in future life times until I reach Nirvana.

3) Listening to the Dharma needs conditions :
a) The right time,
b) The right place,
c) The right Teacher,
d) The right Frame of Mind, and ready
e) To accept the Teachings.

4) People are divided by the following; using preambles of a vessel :
a) Even if it rains, no water enters the vessel – meaning even if Dharmma is just there, one will not see nor hear it.
b) Even if rain enters the vessel, the vessel is dirty – meaning even if one hears the Dharmma, but one’s mind is full of contamination and thus it is wasted.
c) Even if it rain and water enters a clean vessel, there are cracks and water sipped out – meaning although one hears the Dharmma, ones retain nothing and cannot remember what is taught.

5) Conditions to prepare one’s mind,
a) one must imagine one is sick,
b) That the Teacher is the right Doctor, someone one has chosen, trust and accepted without doubt.
c) That the Dharmma is like a medicine prescribed by the Teacher to cure ones illness.
d) Believes that the medicine will work and patience to wait for the medicine to take effect. Many give up hope or expect a miracle. If one constantly and persistently keep the routine of Prayers and asking and acknowledging one’s shortcomings, only then can one slowly clean up the mess one has created.
e) Since one have accepted the Dharmma, therefore Buddha is the Teacher/ Guru and one must have full respect and veneration in the heart.
f) One too must pray and wish that Dharmma remains in Samsara as long as Sentient Beings are around so that those who needs this Medicine can find it and cure themselves.

6) Before one can bring up Bodhicitta, one must first have compassion.

7) The Four Heavenly Virtues :
a) Loving Kindness
b) Compassion
c) Joy and
d) Equanimity

8) The correct Frame of Minds to practice the Dharmma:
a) The will power to succeed in ones practice
b) The will power to overcome one’s bodily shortcomings
d) The will power to overcome one’s shortcomings in thoughts
d) Unshakable Faith
e) Practice Meditation
f) Achieved Wisdom
g) To acknowledge the destroying power of Cravings, Hatred and Anger
h) Acknowledged the power of one’s obstacles and
i) Buddha is our Light, our Protector and the one who shows us the way out of Samsara.

9) One must watch one's EGO and break the chain of
a) jealousy of others achievements
b) delay in clearing ones doubts
c) laziness
d) Self-praise and picked on others shortcomings in Dharmma
e) Use Dharmma to check others
f) Over indulgence in materials needs.

11) Always think and rejoice when others shared Dharmma with one and think “May I wish him well and for his effort in sharing the Dharmma with me, may he achieved Enlightenment”.

12) You do not need plenty to accrue good merit - you do not need monies or power but just REJOICE at others good efforts!

At the end of it, there is no one who is creating merits, there is no merits nor the one receiving the merits.

Something unique...

I saw an article and this collage in the form of OUR Merlion's head. This is a symbolic animal...the hybrid of a mermaid and a lion. So if you asked me...what is uniquely Singapore, you start with the Merlion. For those who have been to Singapore, they must have taken pictures of this animals and took back souvenirs to say they have been here.

Actually what is Singapore? Singapore is a multi-culture, multi-religion, multi-race, multi-food, multi-behavior, multi-ethnics and many more. So what represent this little island (mind you we live in houses and not tree-dwellings as some of my western friends think so)?

1) Singlish, our unique style of English - its slang, the use of words, jargon and phrases. This is a hybrid of the Queen's English. Of course the better educated ones will want to speak "Good" English....'I beg your pardon'. You will find people here speaking English with Malay and Chinese dialects at the same time...like "today I am driving to work, that man like 'gila', he 'chong' traffic lights and kena hit"...unique right? What he meant was ''today I was driving to work, that man drove like crazy, he sped through traffic light and got hit''.

2) Dress style - We are getting from bad to worse. Some go to work with a tang top and 3/4 pant...as if they just got up from bed. Some overdressed - with all the blink blink sequins. We are a little island not far from the equator and we are hot...hot...and humid. You will sweat like a pig if you over dressed. In Singapore we are decently dressed and no over exposures or you will end up in the police station.

3) Food - we care more about food. Uniquely Singapore is it's Hainan Chicken rice. Initially I thought that Hainan Chicken rice is the speciality of the Hainanese...WRONG...you can't find this dish in Hainan, China. The next is our local salad. Talking about healthy salad with greens and olive oil. Ours is yew char keow, tau pok, cucumber, blue ginger flower, pineapple mixed in prawn paste with chilli and top with ground nuts bits. You eat it like a dessert or appetizer. It will surely fire your 'stomach' and made you hungry. Singapore is also known for its black pepper crabs and sweet sour crabs. Many Asian countries serve crabs, but not our style.

4) Attitude - The unique Singapore attitude- ''Kaisu and Kaisee", meaning cannot loose and scare to die. Everything must win and must be the first one. 'Q' for food, must beat the line and be the first one; drive on the road, must be in front of you and cannot be behind you - for this you will find 'blind' drivers, blind to the fact that your signal lights are blinking like crazy and no one seems to see it. Scared to die because anything that is classified against the law, they will make sure they keep within the line . Of course there are the daredevils, I DARE YOU! So they use all kind of vulgarity on the Internet talk line on the government, hiding behind pseudo names like Ah Beng, Ah Seng and Kopi Achek!

5) Education - Of course we are very stressed. Some parents said "I want to send my child overseas. Very hard to cope with study here leh. Must know Chinese and grades must be good to go JC or cannot go Uni. My poor son, study like xiao". However I think we have the best education systems compared to many Asian Countries.

6) Go to Army - Our boys here must go to army when they are 18 years of age. Some have to break in between study to do so. They have to learn how to defend the country...so we march and go into the Army, Navy, Air Force and Police Force. This is when our boys are toughen up to be young men. NOT A BAD Idea...but parents felt that their sons are going into some hardship postings.

7) For a little island, we are not bad as we are nicely mapped out. Our locations are classified into Financial district, Business districts, Shopping Districts, Industrial Districts. We have high class residential area and neighborhood blocks.

8) We are also a 'Fine Fine' country. Be careful if you are a smoker, there are certain areas for smoking and if you defied the law, your fine will range from S$300.00 to S$2,000.00. Don't think you can get away by vandalizing public places unless you have money and a 'tough backside' because the punishment can be fine in cash as well as canning. DRUGS paddling is a DEAD SENTENCE in Merlion City. If you don't want to die in a foreign land and hang by the neck, don't try. Please don't think you can appeal...it don't work and why should you be pardon when you endangered others lives?

9) We are a clean clean country. We are also a safe safe country. The environment and pollution level is low with the exception when Indonesia starts burning their forests. Crimes do happen but most of the time you are safe here because our laws do not take lightly to such undertakings. Religious harmony is another issue which we take very seriously here. Don't try to create disharmony...keep your believe to yourself.

10) For a small island, we have too many highways and ERP gantries. OMG, every morning I pay and pay to go through ERP gantries to get to work. With so many highways, we are still packed with cars and impatience drivers driving close to each other's Á** and that is when accident happened in chain reactions. Even if the Traffic Police indicates speed limit, you will see drivers DARE the limit and take a chance. Most of the time they get away that is why they do it again and again.

This is a good country and a kind country. Small as we are, we donate to neighbor countries when they are hit by disasters. We are also very torrent of our neighbors as long as it will not cause any riot here.

The unique thing about Singapore... most of the people own a resident. Yes, their very own, paid up by themselves monthly by CPF. As long as you work, you have CPF contributed monthly by the company and one self. The government help the people to plan for old age as to how they want to spend their CPF.

The next thing, you don't see beggars on the streets and you won't find squatters as well. Everyone has a roof above their heads.

This is also a green, green country!

Bloggers Unite - Empowering....

As we moved into the month of July 2010, the next event at Bloggers Unite is Empowering People with Disabilities. We were invited to write about stories and people we know, or our self who are handicapped. ‘Handicapped’ is something we all have, it is not just physical but mentally too. This season, I want to share a story of a colleague.

Teck is a Mechanical Engineer. He moved to the position of Project Manager and he took his job very seriously. He had a pleasant personality and was very helpful to other Project Managers when they were in need of manpower.

One faithful May morning, he fell from a container. He was off duty but went back to check on work progress because of the dateline. This fall was critical because he hit his back against a steel pipe when falling. This injured his spine.

When he woke up at intensive, we were all very happy for him. However, we all knew the grievance consequent but we were in no position to tell him. As he moved to normal ward, he was still cheerful but he soon came to sense that he had no feeling on his legs or hip downwards. As Doctor explained that he had to go through therapy and that he needs to moved on wheelchair, we saw the pain on his face. He was angry, he rejected the facts, he threw temper at his wife, he refused to see any of his colleagues except for the few of us. He struggled to come to terms.

“Teck, you are handicapped hip downwards but you are not totally unable to move. You can still work with your hands. You are a mechanical engineer, you can still do projects from home. You can attend to Tenders, do calculations, do drafting, attend meetings and you don’t need to be at site to climb high and low supervising. You have supervisors and other engineers and staff”, I tried to make him see that he was not hopeless. The company bore all his medical expenses and promised to give him a job as I said. They maintained his salary, all his benefits and was very humane over the whole matter.

Teck tried. We sent works to him, pushed him to sites so that he can see the progress of work. We sent him for meetings and supervisors worked with him from home. We all did our best to help him to adapt to a new life style. We knew that it was not easy for him, from an able man to a handicapped. Other than work, there are many social issues and emotional issues he needs to adjust and faced. He started to reject his wife who has been supportive and patience. He felt that he has widowed her and by keeping her was cruel. He asked for a divorced. When none of us were around, emotions got better of him. He became bad-temper and at time violent. His wife had no choice but accepted the divorce. She did not leave him as she continued to stay in the house, taking care of his daily meals and needs. Teck was also a sportsman and not able to tennis, run and kick football was depriving him of his life as well. Computer games, movies and all indoor activities were not good enough for him. He started to be impatient with his supervisors, his staff, his brothers and sisters. As we saw him roller coasters with emotion, some time high, many times low…we went through the process with him. It became so bad that he needed a Psychiatrist treatment.

From an able man to a handicapped was a really painful and depriving process. If you had not known freedom of limbs, not known physical needs…and you have never experience life as a wholesome person…you will not know what Teck was going through. He felt that he failed his parents, his wife, his company, his friends and the society. Teck and Sue planned to have kids but now all hope was gone. We went through his treatment with him. From Doctor, to Psychiatrist, Chinese Sensei and Religious healing. I realized the struggle to heal oneself is the only medicine available and a super hard self willed challenge.

Teck decided to leave Singapore. He decided to go back to his hometown in Penang. He decided that he will go back and be with his parents and help out in a little provision shop. He decided to leave all his colleagues whom he felt he had burdened. He was retreating into a self-pity shell.

Therefore, when I saw this Bloggers Unite event of Empowering the Disabled, I fully support the good course because I saw how a friend went through all these to make himself useful again.

I learnt that Teck broke away from all those that know him. He started afresh where no one knows that he was a wholesome person before. He learnt how to go around in his mechanical wheelchair. He took on part time assignments. He lived alone, cooked and since he loves to read, people saw him at public libraries. His wife still visits him. She is a good woman and she did not marry but remarry to Teck again. Talking about true love…this is the LOVE that went through trials and pain. She lives in Singapore as she is an architect. She had adjusted to a new life, keep her dream, do the thing she likes and goes back to Teck when she needs his love.

KUDOS! to all the disabled. Life does not just stop there. You have to find your footing and adjust yourself back to society. Society is not so bad after all … Singapore is a kind country and we care about our fellow citizens…wholesome or handicapped.